Even though Spencer is reassuring him, making it clear he has nothing to feel stupid about, Joel still does feel that wave of embarrassment, knowing he's overreacting. Without Mark, without everything that had happened at the lighthouse he might have still been worried, but not nearly to this extent and he understands the logical reasons behind the rapid beating of his heart or the way he still feels sort of sick, but that doesn't do anything to lessen the embarrassment he feels at having immediately jumped to the worst case scenario. He just can't lose Spencer, he realizes, and he's known it all along, really, he's felt that since nearly the moment they've met, but this really drives it home. Nothing bad at all has happened and the very thought of losing him still makes Joel's stomach turn. It makes him realize, too, he'll do anything to keep him safe, absolutely anything and he's known that since the night in the lighthouse, since the moment he'd been willing to kill Mark for Spencer, but he's reminded of it now and it's a thought he both holds close for comfort and one that scares him a little.
"No, it's fine," he says, forcing out a laugh as he drops his head, looking down at the ground between them with a sheepish smile. "Nothing really happened, you couldn't have known I was going to show up and assume the worst."
Lifting his head again, his smile become more genuine and he presses against Spencer's chest gently before he drops both his hands, taking Spencer's in his own. "It's been a bit of a weird day is all," he says before he turns Spencer's hands over in his own, still taking care to be gentle, looking down at his fingers all free of the cast and the splints and the brace. They're just Spencer's hands again and Joel's pleased to see him healed, pleased to know the last of the physical reminders of what had happened are starting to fade entirely.
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Date: 2014-07-06 01:01 am (UTC)"No, it's fine," he says, forcing out a laugh as he drops his head, looking down at the ground between them with a sheepish smile. "Nothing really happened, you couldn't have known I was going to show up and assume the worst."
Lifting his head again, his smile become more genuine and he presses against Spencer's chest gently before he drops both his hands, taking Spencer's in his own. "It's been a bit of a weird day is all," he says before he turns Spencer's hands over in his own, still taking care to be gentle, looking down at his fingers all free of the cast and the splints and the brace. They're just Spencer's hands again and Joel's pleased to see him healed, pleased to know the last of the physical reminders of what had happened are starting to fade entirely.