It's not what he'd been looking for or even expecting, but Joel can't pretend it doesn't feel good to hear Spencer say such things to him in return. Most of the time he still doesn't quite believe he's deserving of any of this, still far more used to accepting the fact that maybe he's just meant to be alone because he shouldn't be allowed to be close to anyone, not after what happened with Amy, but with each passing day it's getting easier and easier for him to believe maybe this is something he does deserve. Maybe he's not such a terrible person that he needs to be kept separate from the rest of the world for his entire life. That there's one single person who can pull those thoughts out of him, make them a thing of the past. And if there is, if there's one person who can help Joel believe he deserves to be cared for, he knows it's Spencer. There's no one else and every time Spencer kisses him, if only drives that home.
"So had I," he admits, though he imagines it's not much of a surprise. With the exception of having a drink in Lara's bar once or twice a month -- and then only because Lara owns the bar, there's no other reason for him to go -- Joel's never been social. He's never gone to town events, he's never involved himself in the community. He's lived a very insular existence, always turned in, always cut off, and he'd been happy enough that way. It had certainly been easy, it had been exactly what he had thought he wanted. He'd never imagined anyone out there would be able to prove him so wrong. "I was content with that, I didn't think I took any issue with the idea of being alone, but you..." He smiles and shakes his head, his thumb smoothing over Spencer's cheek. "You changed everything."
He leans in for another kiss and he can sense that the people gathered in front of the library are moving away finally, passing by their not-so-hidden hiding place and he can feel people looking at them, but he doesn't care. He kisses Spencer slowly and sweetly, taking his time, pouring as much of what he feels into that kiss as he possibly can and it leaves him breathless and shaking, and it's not enough, it's not everything he wants to say, but it's the only thing he has at his disposal right now. The words aren't there yet, but they will be in time, he's certain of that, and until that time when they are, he'll do everything else he possibly can to make Spencer understand just how important he is, how deeply he's valued in every possible way.
"You changed everything," he says again. "And my mom will see that." As he says it, he realizes he believes it. Having his mother react poorly still hurts and it still makes him nervous for their upcoming visit, but he believes once she sees him with Spencer, once she sees how happy he is, she'll understand. There's no possible way she can deny just how comfortable and content Joel is now and he knows that's all that will matter. "So don't talk about yourself as if you're not a catch. As if I'm not the luckiest man in this town that you decided I was the one you'd let in. Because you are and I am."
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Date: 2014-07-07 03:04 pm (UTC)"So had I," he admits, though he imagines it's not much of a surprise. With the exception of having a drink in Lara's bar once or twice a month -- and then only because Lara owns the bar, there's no other reason for him to go -- Joel's never been social. He's never gone to town events, he's never involved himself in the community. He's lived a very insular existence, always turned in, always cut off, and he'd been happy enough that way. It had certainly been easy, it had been exactly what he had thought he wanted. He'd never imagined anyone out there would be able to prove him so wrong. "I was content with that, I didn't think I took any issue with the idea of being alone, but you..." He smiles and shakes his head, his thumb smoothing over Spencer's cheek. "You changed everything."
He leans in for another kiss and he can sense that the people gathered in front of the library are moving away finally, passing by their not-so-hidden hiding place and he can feel people looking at them, but he doesn't care. He kisses Spencer slowly and sweetly, taking his time, pouring as much of what he feels into that kiss as he possibly can and it leaves him breathless and shaking, and it's not enough, it's not everything he wants to say, but it's the only thing he has at his disposal right now. The words aren't there yet, but they will be in time, he's certain of that, and until that time when they are, he'll do everything else he possibly can to make Spencer understand just how important he is, how deeply he's valued in every possible way.
"You changed everything," he says again. "And my mom will see that." As he says it, he realizes he believes it. Having his mother react poorly still hurts and it still makes him nervous for their upcoming visit, but he believes once she sees him with Spencer, once she sees how happy he is, she'll understand. There's no possible way she can deny just how comfortable and content Joel is now and he knows that's all that will matter. "So don't talk about yourself as if you're not a catch. As if I'm not the luckiest man in this town that you decided I was the one you'd let in. Because you are and I am."