The more Spencer speaks, the deeper the flush in Joel's cheeks get until he feels like his face is on fire, but he can't help the pleased smile either and sometimes it feels like there's so much going on now between his head and his heart that something has to give. Some part of him is just going to snap and he's going to blurt something out that he can't take back, but he's not sure that would be such a bad thing. Some days it feels like there are so many things he wants to say to Spencer and whenever he finds the words, he hesitates, and he's beginning to think maybe he shouldn't. Maybe he just needs to let that part of him break down, the filter, the wall he's been keeping up. Spencer's broken down most of it already, there's probably no harm in just letting the rest go.
"Me, too," he says and it's so simple, but it's the truth. Everything Spencer has said, he feels it, too. "I... no one would ever come up here. I know I've told you that before, but sometimes it's surprising how right it feels for you to be here. Like you should have been here all along. Like maybe it wouldn't have felt so empty, so much like... like a place I had to keep secure to protect myself." Like a prison, he realizes. He loves his store and his apartment, but he's spent so much time locked up inside of it that it's been a self-imposed prison in so many ways.
He smiles, sliding Spencer's plate over to him and he feels a little self-conscious, but at the same time it's liberating to have said so much. This gets bigger and bigger every day, it becomes more and more all-encompassing, and as much as the thought frightens him a little, he also finds he can't wait for the day when what he has to say to Spencer is bigger still. Already all of this is more than he's ever given to anyone else and he likes that, too. This is all for Spencer. It's never been for anyone else.
"And I like you," he says, but he thinks it might be more than that already. He's certainly never felt anything like this before, nothing nearly this strong, this good. "But you probably won't like my shepherd's pie if you let it get cold," he adds, squeezing Spencer's hand gently and he doesn't want to let go, but it's not as if he won't get to hold Spencer's hand again later.
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Date: 2014-07-11 04:32 pm (UTC)"Me, too," he says and it's so simple, but it's the truth. Everything Spencer has said, he feels it, too. "I... no one would ever come up here. I know I've told you that before, but sometimes it's surprising how right it feels for you to be here. Like you should have been here all along. Like maybe it wouldn't have felt so empty, so much like... like a place I had to keep secure to protect myself." Like a prison, he realizes. He loves his store and his apartment, but he's spent so much time locked up inside of it that it's been a self-imposed prison in so many ways.
He smiles, sliding Spencer's plate over to him and he feels a little self-conscious, but at the same time it's liberating to have said so much. This gets bigger and bigger every day, it becomes more and more all-encompassing, and as much as the thought frightens him a little, he also finds he can't wait for the day when what he has to say to Spencer is bigger still. Already all of this is more than he's ever given to anyone else and he likes that, too. This is all for Spencer. It's never been for anyone else.
"And I like you," he says, but he thinks it might be more than that already. He's certainly never felt anything like this before, nothing nearly this strong, this good. "But you probably won't like my shepherd's pie if you let it get cold," he adds, squeezing Spencer's hand gently and he doesn't want to let go, but it's not as if he won't get to hold Spencer's hand again later.