Spencer tightens his hold on Joel's on for one last squeeze that's accompanied by a meaningful smile before he lets go, with some regret as always because he just simply feels better no matter what he's doing when he's holding Joel's hand, and eagerly pulls the plate of food closer. He closes his eyes for a moment and takes in the smell of the shepherd's pie, delighting in the fact that it's a Joel dish that had been made just for them to share. He doesn't want to take anything Joel does for granted because his boyfriend really does do so much that Spencer sometimes feels like there's no possible way he could make up for any of it.
"It means a lot to me," he says softly, and he wants to take Joel's hand again but he reaches for his fork instead because he's sure that if he threads their fingers together, he won't be able to find the strength to let go this time. "It means a lot that you-- that you'd let me in. Here, your life, all of it, and I don't-- That first time you came to my house, it was the first time I invited anyone inside in a long time and it was so easy, stepping aside to let you walk through my door. It just felt right. Everything about being with you feels right."
He's not even looking at Joel anymore and his grip on the fork is too tight as he aggressively digs into the meal before him. One bite is all it takes to make him sink into his chair, letting out a quiet and satisfied groan. "God, you really are the perfect man," he says, and it's not as if he hasn't told Joel that he's perfect before but a flush rises on his cheeks all the same. It would be embarrassing, how much Joel affects him, if he hadn't already been so obvious about it in their time together; and the way he catches Joel looking at him sometimes only serves to make reaffirm that there's no reason to worry or doubt, there's no reason to think that maybe he's feeling too much too fast because they'd been in similar positions when they'd started seeing each other. They're taking this step-by-step together, discovering new things about what it means to be in a relationship together, and Spencer hopes that never stops. He never wants to stop being surprised by the man beside him.
He takes another bite, grinning as he chews, and he thinks he must look so childish right now but he doesn't care. Joel makes him feel like all his concerns are being stripped away, and it isn't as if he'd written his own life off entirely; he'd simply accepted that he'd spend it alone, content in not having to worry about disappointments or arguments or anything that might result in losing another person he cares about. Having it now, knowing what it's like to care this deeply, he finally understands what he's been missing; and he has no idea what he'd do without Joel now.
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Date: 2014-07-11 11:49 pm (UTC)"It means a lot to me," he says softly, and he wants to take Joel's hand again but he reaches for his fork instead because he's sure that if he threads their fingers together, he won't be able to find the strength to let go this time. "It means a lot that you-- that you'd let me in. Here, your life, all of it, and I don't-- That first time you came to my house, it was the first time I invited anyone inside in a long time and it was so easy, stepping aside to let you walk through my door. It just felt right. Everything about being with you feels right."
He's not even looking at Joel anymore and his grip on the fork is too tight as he aggressively digs into the meal before him. One bite is all it takes to make him sink into his chair, letting out a quiet and satisfied groan. "God, you really are the perfect man," he says, and it's not as if he hasn't told Joel that he's perfect before but a flush rises on his cheeks all the same. It would be embarrassing, how much Joel affects him, if he hadn't already been so obvious about it in their time together; and the way he catches Joel looking at him sometimes only serves to make reaffirm that there's no reason to worry or doubt, there's no reason to think that maybe he's feeling too much too fast because they'd been in similar positions when they'd started seeing each other. They're taking this step-by-step together, discovering new things about what it means to be in a relationship together, and Spencer hopes that never stops. He never wants to stop being surprised by the man beside him.
He takes another bite, grinning as he chews, and he thinks he must look so childish right now but he doesn't care. Joel makes him feel like all his concerns are being stripped away, and it isn't as if he'd written his own life off entirely; he'd simply accepted that he'd spend it alone, content in not having to worry about disappointments or arguments or anything that might result in losing another person he cares about. Having it now, knowing what it's like to care this deeply, he finally understands what he's been missing; and he has no idea what he'd do without Joel now.