It's different. It's incredibly different. It isn't better or worse, it's simply not the sort of thing that can be compared and the only thing Joel can settle on is that it's different. It feels amazing, though that isn't the slightest bit surprising, not when everything he and Spencer do together feels incredible. They just seem to fall into it, to understand each other, and there's no reason for that to have changed now. Spencer's body is different, certainly, but he's still intrinsically Spencer in every way that really matters. He still understands Joel, he still knows him better than anyone else has ever known him, he's still the same person. He still laughs the same and his eyes are the same and the very essence of who he is remains the same and Joel knows nothing can ever change their marriage so significantly that they wouldn't be comfortable with each other.
"You're so..." He hesitates, his hips rolling, pushing a little deeper into Spencer this time and he's still being careful, but he can feel this body adjusting for him, letting him in. Sliding his hand down Spencer's side, he slips his hand under his ass, lifting him just a little and it changes the angle and Joel nearly stutters to a stop. But he keeps thrusting into him, pressing deeper each time, a strangled sort of moan catching in his throat as he tries to decide if he can say the thing he'd been about to say before stopping himself. If it's the sort of thing Spencer will want to hear or if maybe it will make him uncomfortable, which is the last thing in the world Joel wants. He'll do anything to avoid it, especially now, because he never wants Spencer to associate the times they're being intimate with something that doesn't feel good.
But he wants Spencer to know, no matter what comes of this, no matter what he looks like, Joel will always love him and, not only that, will always be attracted to him. "You're gorgeous like this," he breathes, whispering the words against Spencer's throat. "You're still incredibly gorgeous, Spencer, you have no idea." And he can't know, of course. Joel hasn't exactly given him time to look in a mirror, not when he'd gone from being terrified and thinking someone had done something awful to him to realizing what was happening, realizing what he could do like this, the way he could touch Spencer just to make him understand that nothing will ever change how he feels. But it's true all the same. Spencer has always been beautiful and nothing has changed just because his body has.
"You're so... god, you're..." But his words, what he had of them for a moment, are all but gone now. He's thrusting a little harder, using his hand under Spencer's ass to lift him and tilt him a little, bringing their bodies closer together still and all Joel knows is that this is the place he's meant to be. No matter what, no matter what body Spencer is in, no matter what he looks like, this is where he's meant to be because he's never felt like this about anyone. He's never been so loved, so trusted, so completely at peace, and nothing has changed. This is still Spencer and Joel is still home.
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Date: 2015-01-25 12:42 am (UTC)"You're so..." He hesitates, his hips rolling, pushing a little deeper into Spencer this time and he's still being careful, but he can feel this body adjusting for him, letting him in. Sliding his hand down Spencer's side, he slips his hand under his ass, lifting him just a little and it changes the angle and Joel nearly stutters to a stop. But he keeps thrusting into him, pressing deeper each time, a strangled sort of moan catching in his throat as he tries to decide if he can say the thing he'd been about to say before stopping himself. If it's the sort of thing Spencer will want to hear or if maybe it will make him uncomfortable, which is the last thing in the world Joel wants. He'll do anything to avoid it, especially now, because he never wants Spencer to associate the times they're being intimate with something that doesn't feel good.
But he wants Spencer to know, no matter what comes of this, no matter what he looks like, Joel will always love him and, not only that, will always be attracted to him. "You're gorgeous like this," he breathes, whispering the words against Spencer's throat. "You're still incredibly gorgeous, Spencer, you have no idea." And he can't know, of course. Joel hasn't exactly given him time to look in a mirror, not when he'd gone from being terrified and thinking someone had done something awful to him to realizing what was happening, realizing what he could do like this, the way he could touch Spencer just to make him understand that nothing will ever change how he feels. But it's true all the same. Spencer has always been beautiful and nothing has changed just because his body has.
"You're so... god, you're..." But his words, what he had of them for a moment, are all but gone now. He's thrusting a little harder, using his hand under Spencer's ass to lift him and tilt him a little, bringing their bodies closer together still and all Joel knows is that this is the place he's meant to be. No matter what, no matter what body Spencer is in, no matter what he looks like, this is where he's meant to be because he's never felt like this about anyone. He's never been so loved, so trusted, so completely at peace, and nothing has changed. This is still Spencer and Joel is still home.