It's impossible to hold on when Spencer is riding him like this, when he's touching himself, when he can hear the sounds their bodies are making as they come together and the sounds that spill out of Spencer's mouth. Joel wants to hold on longer, he wants to feel Spencer coming around his cock, but he can't. He just can't. Instead of answering, all he manages is a strangled moan, his heels digging into the mattress as his hips lift and he buries himself in Spencer. Both his hands are on his hips now and he's worried somewhere deep in the back of his mind, he's worried that he's holding onto him too tightly, that he's going to leave marks on that gorgeous skin, but he can't get his hands to relax, not when he's coming inside his husband in a completely different way than he ever thought he'd be able to. Sex with Spencer is always incredible, they always connect in a way Joel's never had with anyone, he isn't surprised that it's just as incredible like this, but he almost can't wrap his head around what's happening. This shouldn't be possible. Spencer is his husband and this shouldn't be possible and yet somehow it is. Somehow his husband is in a woman's body and Joel is thrusting into him like this and he'd never imagined such a thing could happen.
It's overwhelming. It's something beyond overwhelming and Joel doesn't think he'll ever be able put into words what he's feeling right now, but that doesn't surprise him either. When it comes to Spencer, he's always had trouble speaking. Communicating has always felt far more difficult in some ways when his husband is involved and yet entirely easy in other ways. There's never been another person who's both been able to render him utterly speechless and who still understands him better than anyone else. He doesn't think he'll need to explain what this is like because Spencer will know. All he'll have to do is look at Joel and he'll know, he'll be feeling the same things, he'll be experiencing this just like Joel is -- although not exactly like Joel is -- and for that he's endlessly grateful. Words have never been his strong point and he's so lucky that he's found someone like Spencer, someone who understands him anyway.
His lips part and he groans, his back arching as he comes inside Spencer, and he tries to tell himself to relax his grip on Spencer's hips again, but he can't. His fingers dig into him tightly and he knows he'll feel guilty later if there are marks left behind, but he feels like he'll be set adrift if he doesn't hold on. If he lets go, he'll just float away in this and never be able to find his way back and, as always, it's Spencer who anchors him here in the moment. It's Spencer who'll keep him ground, as always. Spencer who'll keep him from getting lost. But his muscles are shaking and his heart is pounding and he's managed to keep his eyes open so that he can look at Spencer when he comes again. He needs to see it. He needs to know that what he's doing feels good to Spencer in this body, too, and he finally manages to pry one of his hands from Spencer's hip, sliding it in, his thumb moving over his clit.
Maybe it feels better to Spencer to touch himself, maybe he knows exactly what he's doing and Joel doesn't, but he wants to be the one who does this for him. He wants to be the one to make him come again. He uses Spencer's fingers as a guide, he lets his husband show him what to do as he uses his thumb, pressing and circling, trying to find the right amount of pressure to make him feel good. He's panting heavily still, his skin damp with sweat, and he reaches up sliding his free hand between Spencer's breast, feeling the sweat on his skin as well and suddenly he can't stop thinking about getting Spencer into the shower like this, feeling his skin warm and smooth and wet. "Oh, god," he breathes. "Oh my god." And he wishes he could say more, but he knows Spencer will know.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2015-01-30 01:40 am (UTC)It's overwhelming. It's something beyond overwhelming and Joel doesn't think he'll ever be able put into words what he's feeling right now, but that doesn't surprise him either. When it comes to Spencer, he's always had trouble speaking. Communicating has always felt far more difficult in some ways when his husband is involved and yet entirely easy in other ways. There's never been another person who's both been able to render him utterly speechless and who still understands him better than anyone else. He doesn't think he'll need to explain what this is like because Spencer will know. All he'll have to do is look at Joel and he'll know, he'll be feeling the same things, he'll be experiencing this just like Joel is -- although not exactly like Joel is -- and for that he's endlessly grateful. Words have never been his strong point and he's so lucky that he's found someone like Spencer, someone who understands him anyway.
His lips part and he groans, his back arching as he comes inside Spencer, and he tries to tell himself to relax his grip on Spencer's hips again, but he can't. His fingers dig into him tightly and he knows he'll feel guilty later if there are marks left behind, but he feels like he'll be set adrift if he doesn't hold on. If he lets go, he'll just float away in this and never be able to find his way back and, as always, it's Spencer who anchors him here in the moment. It's Spencer who'll keep him ground, as always. Spencer who'll keep him from getting lost. But his muscles are shaking and his heart is pounding and he's managed to keep his eyes open so that he can look at Spencer when he comes again. He needs to see it. He needs to know that what he's doing feels good to Spencer in this body, too, and he finally manages to pry one of his hands from Spencer's hip, sliding it in, his thumb moving over his clit.
Maybe it feels better to Spencer to touch himself, maybe he knows exactly what he's doing and Joel doesn't, but he wants to be the one who does this for him. He wants to be the one to make him come again. He uses Spencer's fingers as a guide, he lets his husband show him what to do as he uses his thumb, pressing and circling, trying to find the right amount of pressure to make him feel good. He's panting heavily still, his skin damp with sweat, and he reaches up sliding his free hand between Spencer's breast, feeling the sweat on his skin as well and suddenly he can't stop thinking about getting Spencer into the shower like this, feeling his skin warm and smooth and wet. "Oh, god," he breathes. "Oh my god." And he wishes he could say more, but he knows Spencer will know.