![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
[closed for joel]
Sep. 30th, 2014 08:29 pmSpencer can't stop bouncing his knee; or drumming his fingers on the tabletop; or checking his watch because it's 1:03 and the surrogate--Erin, her name's Erin Goodman, and it would do him well to remember that because he can't very well keep calling her 'the surrogate' to her face--is three minutes late to the Cove Cafe so far and it's not that Spencer is anal about punctuation, he's just so nervous that he thinks he might actually be sick.
When they'd gotten word that Erin had agreed to meet with them, Spencer had gone from feeling elated to full of dread in about thirty seconds flat because sometimes, it's still a bit hard to accept that good things are happening as consistently as they have been for him. He's not used to it, to being this happy, and it's why he's stunned nearly every day by the fact that this is his life now. He doesn't want that feeling to stop, mostly because it helps to remind him that he can't ever take any of this for granted, not that waking up with his husband by his side each morning isn't enough to ensure he never forgets. Now, in the face of meeting the potential bearer of their future child, Spencer finds himself terrified that she'll take one look at him and deem him unworthy of a gift as incredible as this.
He tries to remember the conversation they'd had, the one Joel had told Spencer to remind him of, and he knows he's jumping the gun a bit on the fear but he doesn't know how to stop letting himself belief that something's bound to go wrong. He takes a deep breath, picking up his coffee cup and setting it back down before pulling the plate of banana bread Amber had given them toward him then pushing it back away. He can feel Joel's eyes on him, but he only reaches over to squeeze his husband's hand.
"What if she changed her mind and the agency forgot to tell us?" he asks, not quite meeting Joel's gaze but not avoiding it either. "You checked your e-mail this afternoon, right? Before we left the store? What if-- Oh, god, what if she's been in a terrible accident? Or what if she was here and took one look at us through the window and thought we weren't going to be the right fit?" He shifts his body more fully toward Joel now, legs practically in the other man's lap as he looks at him with wide, panicked eyes. "It's 1:04, Joel, it's 1:04. One more minute and I think I might actually have a complete breakdown."
When they'd gotten word that Erin had agreed to meet with them, Spencer had gone from feeling elated to full of dread in about thirty seconds flat because sometimes, it's still a bit hard to accept that good things are happening as consistently as they have been for him. He's not used to it, to being this happy, and it's why he's stunned nearly every day by the fact that this is his life now. He doesn't want that feeling to stop, mostly because it helps to remind him that he can't ever take any of this for granted, not that waking up with his husband by his side each morning isn't enough to ensure he never forgets. Now, in the face of meeting the potential bearer of their future child, Spencer finds himself terrified that she'll take one look at him and deem him unworthy of a gift as incredible as this.
He tries to remember the conversation they'd had, the one Joel had told Spencer to remind him of, and he knows he's jumping the gun a bit on the fear but he doesn't know how to stop letting himself belief that something's bound to go wrong. He takes a deep breath, picking up his coffee cup and setting it back down before pulling the plate of banana bread Amber had given them toward him then pushing it back away. He can feel Joel's eyes on him, but he only reaches over to squeeze his husband's hand.
"What if she changed her mind and the agency forgot to tell us?" he asks, not quite meeting Joel's gaze but not avoiding it either. "You checked your e-mail this afternoon, right? Before we left the store? What if-- Oh, god, what if she's been in a terrible accident? Or what if she was here and took one look at us through the window and thought we weren't going to be the right fit?" He shifts his body more fully toward Joel now, legs practically in the other man's lap as he looks at him with wide, panicked eyes. "It's 1:04, Joel, it's 1:04. One more minute and I think I might actually have a complete breakdown."
