happiness is a warm puppy [open to all]

[doublethepain]

He's definitely come down with something.

It's hardly cause for panic, really, just a bit of congestion; some coughing that he thinks he's done a fair job of keeping under wraps; maybe a slightly sore throat, a few pressure headaches here and there, a case of the chills; but he's fine, Spencer is sure of it. He's fine because he's got a ring on his finger and a puppy at the end of his leash, so there's nothing at all in his life that he can complain about right now.

John had most generously given him half a day off--"a wedding gift from me to you" is how his boss had put it--so Spencer had stopped back at home to get Huxley before heading in some direction or another, he hadn't really had a plan. It's not very surprising that his feet seem to take him in the direction of Crossroads, as they so often do, but a part of him hopes that he'll run into some people he knows on the way there. He has news, after all, and he's not one to call up all his friends--not that it would take long, he muses--to share even the most exciting parts of his life, but he does want people to know.

He's happy, happier than he's ever been and not just since his mother and Dane had died. He has so much to be thankful for, so much to come to look forward to, and he can't remember the last time he'd felt so optimistic about his future. He smiles to himself as he watches Huxley sniff at the grass on the sidewalk before the puppy scrambles to meet a pair of feet that's headed their way, jumping up on his hind legs to paw at the stranger. Spencer's smile doesn't fade as he lifts his head to look at the other person; in fact, it only grows wider.

"You're in for it now," he says, a teasing edge to his tone. "Huxley seems to grow attached to people far too quickly for his own good."




[OOC: Spencer's a little under the weather right now because I am, too but he's in an excellent mood so it would be a great time to say hello, whether your character has already met him or not :) Find him walking his and Joel's new puppy Huxley or catch him wherever is convenient for your character to be. As long as that place allows dogs.]

Comments

[louise_abasi]

"I .. - I meant the dog."

Louise feels herself grow uncomfortable under his stare and wonders if she missed a big thing while growing back a memory.

"That's fine, really. It was very awkward at first and pretty emotional later. I wouldn't wish it on anyone."

She lets the little dog play with her hand so she won't have to meet his eyes. "Some magic went wrong. Some people wanted something from me. I'm getting better quickly. But how have you been?"

[doublethepain]

"Right."

It doesn't really matter, he's not all too focused on Huxley at the moment because Lou says magic had gone wrong, that people had wanted things from her, and that doesn't sound foreboding at all except for the way it absolutely does. He feels something tighten in his chest when he thinks of Joel, faced now with a concrete reason for why a fear of magic could be justified, and it makes him a little sick to think that anyone could turn on Joel simply because he'd revealed what he can do just to defend Spencer.

She doesn't look at him, so he kneels down to try to catch her eye. Whatever awkwardness he might feel can be put aside and while he doesn't reach out for her, he softens his voice. "I've been well, thank you. When you say people wanted something from you, what-- I know you said you're getting better but those people, have they been... taken care of? Are you being taken care of?"

[louise_abasi]

She smiles at him. "I'll offer you the cliff notes version: someone was poisoning my mind and glamouring me to not remember this life and loved ones to keep me from leaving there. Lara and a - I think he's new to town - a witch called Rhodri helped me out in the magical department. Grant brought me back home. Now I have to -"

Her ringtone interrupted her. "Check in every fifteen minutes with four different people to make sure that I'm okay, still know who I am and not taken by anyone."

"I think that amounts to 'being taken care of', don't you agree? And the bad guys ..I don't know. I don't want to know anymore. I think both the police and the sirens are looking into it. I just don't want to be scared anymore."

[doublethepain]

He raises an eyebrow when her phone goes off, and he does agree. "I'm glad you've got help. It's hard to-- to go through things like that alone."

He doesn't know exactly what she's been through, of course, and even though she cuts it down to a the short-and-horrible of it, Spencer can't imagine the sheer pain and suffering that would come with having his mind toyed with like that. To have his thoughts twisted so badly that he wouldn't be able to remember Joel... Well, he'd take the physical pain of what Mark Fuller had done to him a thousands times over.

He nods his understanding at the last thing she says, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck as he watches Huxley sniff at the grass. "I know what you mean. It does get better. Easier." He's still afraid sometimes, if he's honest. When he's alone at home and passing by the door of the library, he'll feel the fear twisting in his stomach, and he wonders if that'll ever really go away. Still, that's hardly something Lou needs to be told right now, so he forces a smile. "If you need to talk about it, I know I'm not first on anyone's list for that sort of thing, but I-- I'd be available. Just so you know."

[louise_abasi]

She shivers, doesn't even bother hiding it. Although being alone saves her from so many questions, Spencer is right about this. Louise needs support, she wants support. Maybe she was the pillar of strength for everyone for such a long time, but now she just needs the assurance of people around her, willing to catch her. If something goes wrong.

"It does?" Lou nods. "Thank you for the offer, Spencer. I appreciate that and it sounds more enticing than lying down on a couch somewhere and making the topic about my parents and my need for self-destruction."

She meets his eyes. "It's all so fragile and raw right now. And yet leaving it for returning to ordinary life ..doesn't feel right either? I'm sorry to put this on you. The puppy is adorable."

[doublethepain]

He cringes at the thought of seeing a therapist, not that he believes there's anything wrong with seeking help in that way but because he's kept things to himself for so long, has internalized so much of what he feels until he'd found the one person he can talk to without feeling any judgment, that he doesn't think he could ever discuss what's happened to him with a stranger. It's helpful for some, he thinks, having that added element of an objective point-of-view, but it would only make Spencer nervous.

"I suppose it's different for everyone," he says, shrugging a shoulder, "but I've found that it does. After what happened a couple months ago, at the lighthouse, when I--" He voice catches in his throat, and he frowns before continuing. "I thought that maybe I wouldn't be okay again. It wasn't the stitches or the bruises on my neck or the broken fingers, it was that every time I closed my eyes, I saw the man who did it all to me."

He doesn't know why he's saying this, it's so very much not an appropriate place for it with the sun shining down on them in the middle of the sidewalk and his puppy joyfully pawing at the first of the fallen autumn leaves; but he can't seem to stop.

"Going back to the way things were seemed impossible. I didn't know how long it was supposed to take to-- to move on from something like that, and it didn't seem right to pretend like everything was fine. It's exhausting, trying to find that balance. But I had help." He narrows his eyes then corrects himself. "I had Joel. In any case, you don't have to apologize, and yes, I'd have to agree, Huxley is adorable."

[louise_abasi]

"Joel? Ah yes, I think I knew that already. Things from deeper down are the ones surfacing fastest, while I can't remember what I wore during the Coombs' gala. I guess my mind and its pits still knows my priorities."

"The apologies come so easy that my mouth is dry by the end of the day." Louise shrugs. "I will come back, maybe just not with a bounce. I just wish for more .." There's so much he doesn't know.
"peace and calm. How does Balto feel about this little guy, or does the ring on your finger doesn't mean that you're living together?"

[doublethepain]

Lou thinks she knew that, and it makes Spencer feel a little sick to think of how much has been taken away from her. He pauses for a moment, thinking back to the night of the Coombs ball, and he remembers it well not only because of the eidetic memory but because it had been the first time he and Joel had admitted their feelings for each other. It had been the first night Joel had held Spencer's hand.

He closes his eyes, trying to picture the surroundings and the people he'd noted while he'd been scanning the room for Joel, and that's when he sees her. "You wore a green dress," he says softly, eyes fluttering back open. "Emerald green, it was silk and strapless with a gold belt. You looked lovely." He knows she's being a bit facetious, citing the dress as something she longs to remember, but even though it's something that might be comparatively trivial, she deserves to have her memories back. She deserves to know. "Maybe you still have it hanging in your closet. Or not, I'm not sure I've ever seen you wear the same thing twice."

The smile becomes more genuine at the question, and he glances down at the ring as a familiar and welcome warmth spreads over his cheeks. "Joel and Balto moved in about mid-July, but..." He trails off to let out a soft laugh. "We got married just last week. And Balto has been surprisingly accommodating of him, I have to wonder if this is just the calm before the storm."

[louise_abasi]

"Married?"

It's just a little stab in comparison with the pain it would come with when it would have been anyone else. Spencer has been through so much, Joel is - well, Joel and Louise's glad that they found themselves in each other. "Oh God, congratulations, that's amazing!"

After all, it doesn't mean that if someone else finds happiness, there is less left for those that haven't, or have yet to do so. With her history, it might be better to give up on the entire idea all together.

"That's certainly something I'm going to remember, besides that dress. It sounds pretty impressive, but that's not all that important right now. Married, living together, two pets ..that's very domestic of you. How sweet."

[doublethepain]

He's practically beaming, he can feel it radiating from his cheeks and his smile and the crinkles at the corners of his eyes, and he ducks his head even thought he knows it's far too late to hide any of that. He doesn't even necessarily want to hide it, but he's still so giddy and never before has the word 'giddy' ever been applied to Spencer. It's all Joel's doing that he feels this way, feels happier than he'd ever imagined he could be, and he'd say this is the happiest he's ever been but he knows that one minute from now, he'll still be married to Joel and that knowledge makes him all the happier.

He nods, though he doesn't mention the fact that he and Joel have already discussed the possibility of children. They've only just gotten married, they're in no rush and it's between them, but the idea of starting a family of their own is something that appeals so greatly to him, especially after already having lost his own once. Joel's given him a whole new life, one that isn't filled with regret or disappointment or loneliness, and he twists the ring he wears around on his finger before he remembers that he actually ought to say something to Lou in reply.

"Thank you, and it is awfully domestic, isn't it?" he asks with a laugh. "I hadn't even really thought much about it. We're tragically missing the white picket fence, though, so we don't quite fit the American Dream--which is probably for the best, I always found the American Dream to be quite boring."

[louise_abasi]

Spencer's pure, honest, blissed out face and smile make Louise so emotional that she has to wipe away a tear. See, happiness exists in the world.

"It is. And if that is what makes you happy, you deserve it. You've been through so many things you didn't deserve ..it's time to have those balanced out."

She blinks away the rest of the waterworks. "Sorry for that display of emotions. And I heard that a white picket fence is quite a bother for the upkeep, anyway. Having to paint it every six months, I'm sure you can think of more pleasurable things to do with your time."

[doublethepain]

His smile falters when she says he's been through so much he doesn't deserve. It's not necessarily that he doesn't agree, there's really only so much a person can take before it becomes maddening; but he also thinks the same is true for at least half the people in this town--funnily enough, it's the half that doesn't seem to think he'd really had anything to do with the death of his mother and brother.

"The Dalai Lama cited a Tibetan saying once, that 'tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength.'" He smiles at her wryly, taking note of the tears she's wiped away and appreciating her for every single one. "Everything I've been through has led me here. It's led me to Joel, to having this ring on my finger, and I'd go through it all as many times as the world needed me to to if it meant I could still be as happy as I am now."

The same may not ever be true of Lou and what's happened to her, and he knows that a love like the one he and Joel share isn't exactly easy to find--but for her sake, for the sake of everyone he knows and cares about, Spencer hopes they find it.

[louise_abasi]

"Of course you're citing the people the Dalai Lama gets inspired by."

"Nerd", she adds with a half-smile. "I've always been meaning to ask, have you read every book in your library?"

Maybe Spencer is just so much further ahead in the process of losing, loving, life. Louise will carry the advice with her, but she doesn't know when she'll be able to live by it.

[doublethepain]

"Well, he's said a few wise things here and there," he replies, a wry smile playing at the corners of his lips. "And no, I haven't read every book in there. There's quite a few Harlequin romances that I haven't bothered to get to know."

There's also quite a few of the more mystical texts that he hasn't quite worked his way through yet because there's never a shortage of new donated books to be shelved away; but he's trying. He's married a witch, after all, it would do him well to get a general understanding of that history.

[louise_abasi]

"Elitist, mister librarian. Probably left wing elitist to willingly ignore the fictional treasures of the eh - ..romance world. I feel kind of dirty right now, saying that."

She bites her tongue. "Books are the only thing that make me sleep right now. Fiction, of course. I've had enough reality for a while."

[doublethepain]

"Not elitist, they just..." He trails off, pursing his lips as his cheeks flush red because this is exactly what reading the romance novels make him do, they make his cheeks fire up. He's not sure they'd have the same effect now, considering he and Joel get up to much more than what's written in those books, but that's neither here nor there. "They just aren't my cup of tea, that's all."

"I understand what that's like, though it's not books that help me sleep." Rather, it's Joel, and he'd stopped being able to fall asleep without his husband by his side not long after what had happened in that lighthouse.

[louise_abasi]

"I wasn't serious, Spencer. Sorry, I should have said it with a smile on my face." She smiles. "It's just that my cheeks are hurting ever since brunch."

"I never even read a back text of a romance novel and still judge them. I can be the elitist."

[doublethepain]

"No, no," he answers, waving a hand as if to brush the apology off. There's no need for one, it's hardly Lou's fault that he'd gotten caught up for a second in thoughts of Joel in the context of romance novels. It's actually very much Joel's fault, and Spencer makes a mental note to tell his husband that later. "If your cheeks are hurting because of too much smiling then I'm happy to hear it. I feel like that more often than not these days myself."

[louise_abasi]

"Hopefully for a better reason than to avoid the town's disappointment. I definitely hope you don't care about that anymore, or never did, even."

She was supposed to feel better because of some ordinary chitchat, not like the rude kid again. "I mean - I guess I'm just too trained to make sure that no-one is uncomfortable but unpleasant honesty. That you can't say 'fine' without a smell because else it might be a less than perfect fine and people have to worry about you while they don't want to, because else they wouldn't have asked the question in the first place."

"Never mind. Just expect me to tell you if I'm miserable, with or without a smile as a flag post."

[doublethepain]

His smile fades but just slightly, it's more of a flicker in his expression than anything else before he straights his back and lifts his chin up a bit. "Don't you mean the town's cruelty?" he retorts, tone carefully neutral. Of course he'd cared, he doesn't know how he could possibly not have cared that he'd come home to find the word 'MURDERER' painted on his property more than once or that he'd received hate mail quite consistently for almost an entire year before it had started dwindling down or that there are still some people who look at him like he's a disease that has no cure.

It's easier to ignore it now just because he's had so much practice and also because there exist people in his life who give him significantly better things to think about. He's never been one to put much stock in other people's opinions of him, that much is true, but yes, he'd cared. He's cared quite a lot.

"I do understand what you're getting at," he tells her, nodding his head a bit. "Oftentimes, it's all that's expected of us, to tell each other that our days are going well and that we're doing just fine and that's that. So if you tell me you're miserable when I ask, I certainly won't hold it against you. I can promise you that much."

[louise_abasi]

She blinks. "Cruelty, you're right. All memories lost of how to act in a humane manner, fueled by the majority deciding they can pass better judgment than those in authority."

".. are you free of them, by now? Completely?" Louise knows that she and the system have failed Spencer impressively, and it's always hard to be confronted with such a thing. "If you even want to talk about it longer than necessary, of course. We can move back to your happiness with Joel and puppies."

[doublethepain]

"It's fine," he says and oddly enough, it is. He doesn't talk about it much, what had happened, not even to Joel, but he still thinks about it almost every day. It's difficult to avoid when the site where he'd found his mother is his own backyard; what becomes even trickier is having to reconcile that with the fact that his own library, the one place he'd always felt safest, had become the very room he'd been attacked and abducted from by Mark. He has a hard time once in awhile and some days are worse than others; but Spencer has help. It's bearable now, and he has one person in particular to thank for that.

He shrugs a shoulder, reaching down to take Huxley in his arms when the puppy paws at his leg. "I think that there are always going to be those people who believe I did it. I've gotten... well, letters that aren't exactly kind in the mail on the past two anniversaries of my mother and brother's deaths." He gives her a tight smile. "My birthday, as it happens, and I anticipate that next year will be the same. People still whisper, they still point, they still cross the street to avoid me. It's not a majority of people, it's not even that many people anymore, but when there's nobody else to blame, I suppose it's only natural that I would become the easiest target. So no, I'm not free of them completely but the best way to counter it is to show them all that I'm still standing."

[louise_abasi]

"You know that you can fight them, right? Maybe you don't want to anymore, but there are plenty of restrictions you can at least place on them."

"Although I can imagine doing such a thing would only give them a more righteous feeling and might have them make a turn into the violent s- more violent side. I just don't like seeing law and justice being incompetent."

"Still standing", she nods. "I just hope it'll forever be more than that, Spencer. But I'm sure you know that, that there are more people out there that wish good on you than bad. And I don't know when this turned into a motivational speech."

[doublethepain]

"You mean like a restraining order? Cease and desist?" The corners of his lips turn up in amusement and he shakes his head. "I'm afraid the number of names I'd have to collect for such a thing would be more trouble than it's really worth."

It's not as if the numbers are in the thousands or even the hundreds, but he hardly wants to take a headcount of who in this town still believes he killed his own family. It's easier this way, dealing with the anonymity rather than having to walk down the street and be able to pinpoint exactly who does and doesn't view him as a murderer.

"In any case, it's nothing I can't handle," he says, which is perhaps easier said than felt but he's not talking to Lou to earn her sympathy. He lets out a little laugh, running a hand through his hair just to give himself something to do. "Neither do I but I can't say I don't appreciate it."

[louise_abasi]

"Restraining orders put a lot of weight on both sides, I thought more about some below-the-surface stabs of 'we're on to you'. Legally, of course."

She beamed. "Yay, I made Spencer Waters laugh and he thinks my speech talent is not completely horrible. I've been out of it too long, but if I want to get back onto the working horse again ..I'm going to be able to do crowd control while keeping everyone just a little bit satisfied."