they don't burn up in the sky but they can dazzle or delight (OPEN)

[doublethepain]

It takes a couple hours before he realizes that he probably shouldn't have volunteered for inventory duty at the library the same morning he'd gotten the splints off his fingers. It still feels strange, having his left hand finally free and clear, and he's been carefully flexing his hand since he'd left the hospital with regular exercises he's supposed to strengthen it again. There's still an ache in the three fingers that had been broken, or at least he thinks there is; but every time his boss notices the faraway look on his face when he should really be notating any books in poor condition.

"I'm fine, John," he says, arching an eyebrow though there's a smile that plays at the corners of his lips. "For the eighteenth time."

"It's a holiday, you should be with your boyfriend," John grumbles, and Spencer rolls his eyes because that's rich coming from a man with a wife and daughter.

He feels his phone vibrate in his back pocket and knows who it is before looking, though his smile only widens when he sees that it is, indeed, Joel. "I'm going to take a break," he announces, clapping John on the back--a gesture reserved for the only man who's ever come close to being a father figure to him--as he starts backwards toward the break room while furiously tapping at his phone to write his reply. He's distracted once he reaches the kitchen, reaching into the cabinet and grabbing a bowl of ramen as he wanders over to the microwave. He sets his phone down, smiling to himself as he just stands there for a moment, thinking about how good things are in his love life right now. It's unlike anything he's ever experienced and he puts the ramen bowl into he microwave without thinking, setting the time for three minutes from now and looking back down at his phone as the screen brightens with a new text. John calls for him then from the shelves and he shouts that he's on his way, snatching his phone from the counter and leaving the microwave running as he heads back out to meet his boss.

Half a minute later, he's got an armful of books but when they hear it, a pop from the break room followed by a quick booming noise, it makes the pair exchange a startled glance before they both drop the books in their arms and run to see what had happened. There's smoke billowing from the microwave and a fire is lit up inside, and Spencer's jaw drops as it clicks immediately. He hadn't even broken the seal on the ramen bowl, hadn't filled it with water or anything, he'd just let it... "Ohhhh, no," he groans, rubbing at his temple and to put salt in the wound, the world deems it necessary for the smoke to trigger the fire alarm.

It's not even a surprise when the sprinklers go off but at least it's centralized to the break room. He and John stand there for a moment, already soaked by the sprinklers, but when the sirens sound from outside, John drops his head and sighs. "Well, kid," he starts, and Spencer is relieved to see that when John looks back up, there's an amused smile on his face, "I guess we weren't going to be able to get through the Fourth of July without a few fireworks."

The paramedics and firefighters seem almost disappointed when Spencer explains what had happened, but they've attracted a crowd. It's a slow emergency day for the town, Spencer suspects, as awful as that may sound. He wanders away from the ambulance, hands shoved in his pockets as he observes the chatter of the gawking spectators around them and shakes his head.

"Surely there's something better that everyone could be doing."



[OOC: tl;dr Spencer accidentally blew up the library's break room and now there's a crowd, an ambulance, and a fire truck outside the building. Feel free to stop by and tell him he's an idiot. A very cute idiot.]

Comments

[doublethepain]

Spencer tries not to let his face fall. He tries not to look discouraged, he really does because Joel had warned him that his mother might be a hard sell at first; but there's a difference, it turns out, between hearing that in theory and hearing that it's true. In a way, he supposes he's glad that he has something that has the potential to be just as traumatizing as what had happened at the lighthouse--and he's being facetious, of course, but he can't deny that the idea of meeting Joel's family next week, especially now knowing for certain that his mother doesn't seem to approve, is quite terrifying. He's never much cared to impress anyone other than Joel before but he wants to make a good impression. He wants to show them how happy Joel makes them, hopes that they can see the way Spencer maybe makes Joel a little happy, too.

The kiss to his palm is calming and Spencer feels a rush of tension leave him with a deep exhale. "I'm looking forward to meeting your dad," he says honestly. As much as it's been seizing him with fear here and there throughout the past few weeks, Spencer really is excited to meet Joel's family. He has none of his own to offer, after all, and he'd never thought he'd have anyone who would even want introduce him in this context, as a boyfriend and as someone important enough to make an effort for.

"Your sister, too," he continues with a slight nod. He already likes her, if he's honest, mostly because he hadn't overheard any sort of protest or discouragement or anything like that during that Skype chat where Joel had first called Spencer his boyfriend. She'd called him cute, which is a bit sweet and brings a flush to Spencer's cheeks just from thinking about it because it's not as though he's heard that often. He doesn't think Joel's mom will be singing his praises when they meet, though, possibly not even for a long time and it makes Spencer's chest tighten with anxiety because what if Mrs. Baker decides she hates him altogether? That he's not worth Joel's effort (which he occasionally still thinks is true anyway on days that he's particularly doubting his worth as a good boyfriend), that he's not welcome to share in their time together as a family.

"I'm nervous about your mom," he eventually admits because he knows Joel won't judge him for saying that or think that Spencer's trying to disparage his mother. "I know you said she needs time to adjust, but I... I want her to like me." He sighs, suddenly embarrassed as he lowers his eyes to stare at his hands still in Joel's. "I know I don't come off as much of a catch."

[just_another]

Joel is prepared to tell him not to worry, though he knows it won't help much, he knows he'd still be beyond nervous if their positions were reversed, and his lips are parting to speak when Spencer continues and he shakes his head, brows drawn together. "Spencer," he protests, then glances around, suddenly very aware that they're surrounded by people; the crowd come to gawk at the spectacle, the firemen, the paramedics, they're all milling around and staring at things or filling out paperwork and while he's sure most of them have no interest in what Joel and Spencer are talking about, he's just as sure there are a few people eavesdropping. He and Spencer have been in the spotlight recently and he knows their reputations means they're not exactly the most well-liked residents of the town and he doesn't want to give anyone more fodder for their gossip.

"Come with me," he says, stepping away from Spencer, but keeping hold of one of his hands. They won't have to go far for privacy, not when the fire trucks and firefighters themselves are more interesting to most of the crowd than the two men leaving the scene, and so he takes Spencer around to the side of the building where they can get away from the people and the noise. Just being around that corner makes all the difference, the sounds dying away and Joel turns to face Spencer again, lifting both his hands to rest against his shoulder so he can push him lightly against the brick wall. He steps closer, close enough that his hips are lined up with Spencer's and he can feel the warmth coming off him and he lifts his hands to Spencer's face again, tipping his chin up so he can hold his gaze.

"You have no idea what I see when I look at you, do you?" he asks and he's surprised the words come out with such ease. There's no stammering, no tripping over what he's trying to say and it's never been so easy for him to express himself as it is with Spencer. "You talk about not being a catch, but you're... people who... everyone in this town who thinks poorly of you is a fool." The contempt in his voice makes it clear he thinks they're more than just fools, but he sticks with that word and keeps his voice low, speaking rapidly. "You're the smartest, kindest person I've ever met and even when you shouldn't, even when people have hurt you, you want to help them. You have every reason to not trust a single person in this town, but you trusted me. You're brave and you're strong and so much more positive than I could ever be. You make me want to be better. Every time I'm with you, I want to be a better man for you."

Then he smiles, leaning in to kiss Spencer firmly, his lips parted, his tongue gently tracing Spencer's mouth. "And you're by far the most attractive man in this town. In every possible way, I'm extremely lucky you want me."

[doublethepain]

He squirms against the wall and it isn't because he wants to escape from the other man's grasp, he'd have Joel's hands on his body at all times if he had any choice in the matter, but he still finds it difficult to accept that someone could care this much. His jaw works as his gaze flickers from Joel's eyes to Joel's shoulder to the ground and back to Joel's eyes and his hands tremble at his sides because he can feel the his chest swelling with gratitude for the fact that Joel Baker is his boyfriend. Spencer has no reason to doubt him and really, rationally, he doesn't because Joel's hit it right on the head--Spencer has never trusted anyone like he trusts Joel but he's afraid now that Joel hasn't seem him for who he really is. He doesn't feel brave or strong or even all that positive, he can't imagine what he's been doing to give that impression.

The way Joel looks at him, though, is almost unreal and when Spencer finally forces himself to lock eyes with the other man, his own widen a little. It floors him every time, seeing just how much of how he feels about Joel is reflected back at him. He has no idea what he's done to deserve this, it seems too good to be true that a man who could truly have anyone he wants and doesn't even know it could want him. It's not the first time he's thought that, it won't be the last; but even though he has these raging fits of insecurity because for the first time ever, he wants to be able to give someone everything, he doesn't doubt what Joel says. Joel isn't a cruel man, it's not as if he's saying this to get Spencer into bed because they'd waited long enough to have sex in the first place and now they have and Joel's still here. He's here, saying amazing things that are making Spencer's eyes well up because Joel makes him feel so much like he's worth so much more than the dirty looks, the biting accusations and rumors, the words that make him wonder what he's ever done to make people think he's so rotten to the core.

"I didn't-- I wasn't trying to-- You're the only person who's ever said things like this to me," he says, welcoming Joel's tongue into his mouth and lifting a hand to rest lightly on Joel's hip. When they part, he's tempted to lower his gaze again but he keeps his eyes level, offering a weak and apologetic smile. "I don't mean to make it sound like I doubt you. I don't, I never will, and you couldn't possibly be better because you're truly already the best man I know. The things you've done for me, I can't tell you how much-- God, Joel." He lifts his other hand to cup Joel's cheek, his thumb brushing against the line of the other man's beard as he relaxes against the wall and pulls Joel in for another kiss.

"I'd made peace with being alone for the rest of my life," he admits softly, shrugging a shoulder as if it means nothing, as if the very idea of that isn't one that makes him want to curl up into a ball and cry now. This is it for him, Spencer knows. There's nobody else, nobody could even come close to affecting him like this. He'd been content just a couple months ago to settle in for a book and a glass of whiskey in his living room, alone but with his thoughts, and that had been fine. Ideal, even. "But then you found me and everything changed. It was like having a veil lifted, and you-- you've never once made me feel like I can't be myself, you just accepted me for who I am and that was it."

He can't believe he's saying all this except at the same time, of course he can because this is what his relationship with Joel is. It's trust, it's being able to tell each other things he'd never thought he'd say out loud, mostly because he hadn't expected to ever even have them in his head at all. "You don't know, Joel. You don't know because I can't tell you, I can't put it into words how important you are to me."

[just_another]

It's not what he'd been looking for or even expecting, but Joel can't pretend it doesn't feel good to hear Spencer say such things to him in return. Most of the time he still doesn't quite believe he's deserving of any of this, still far more used to accepting the fact that maybe he's just meant to be alone because he shouldn't be allowed to be close to anyone, not after what happened with Amy, but with each passing day it's getting easier and easier for him to believe maybe this is something he does deserve. Maybe he's not such a terrible person that he needs to be kept separate from the rest of the world for his entire life. That there's one single person who can pull those thoughts out of him, make them a thing of the past. And if there is, if there's one person who can help Joel believe he deserves to be cared for, he knows it's Spencer. There's no one else and every time Spencer kisses him, if only drives that home.

"So had I," he admits, though he imagines it's not much of a surprise. With the exception of having a drink in Lara's bar once or twice a month -- and then only because Lara owns the bar, there's no other reason for him to go -- Joel's never been social. He's never gone to town events, he's never involved himself in the community. He's lived a very insular existence, always turned in, always cut off, and he'd been happy enough that way. It had certainly been easy, it had been exactly what he had thought he wanted. He'd never imagined anyone out there would be able to prove him so wrong. "I was content with that, I didn't think I took any issue with the idea of being alone, but you..." He smiles and shakes his head, his thumb smoothing over Spencer's cheek. "You changed everything."

He leans in for another kiss and he can sense that the people gathered in front of the library are moving away finally, passing by their not-so-hidden hiding place and he can feel people looking at them, but he doesn't care. He kisses Spencer slowly and sweetly, taking his time, pouring as much of what he feels into that kiss as he possibly can and it leaves him breathless and shaking, and it's not enough, it's not everything he wants to say, but it's the only thing he has at his disposal right now. The words aren't there yet, but they will be in time, he's certain of that, and until that time when they are, he'll do everything else he possibly can to make Spencer understand just how important he is, how deeply he's valued in every possible way.

"You changed everything," he says again. "And my mom will see that." As he says it, he realizes he believes it. Having his mother react poorly still hurts and it still makes him nervous for their upcoming visit, but he believes once she sees him with Spencer, once she sees how happy he is, she'll understand. There's no possible way she can deny just how comfortable and content Joel is now and he knows that's all that will matter. "So don't talk about yourself as if you're not a catch. As if I'm not the luckiest man in this town that you decided I was the one you'd let in. Because you are and I am."

[doublethepain]

"I hope so," he mumbles, though he has to admit that he feels significantly better now, hearing the confidence in Joel's words. He knows that earning Joel's family's approval isn't the be-all-end-all of this relationship and he's never really sought out anyone's approval before anyway so it surprises him much he really does want it. Moreover, it surprises him that he doesn't look at Joel and wonder with a smidgen of doubt whether his boyfriend would leave him if things with his family didn't go off without a hitch. It's impossible, it seems, to look at Joel and not believe every word he says because there is so much sincerity in his tone, in his eyes. Nobody has ever looked at him like this before, kissed him or touched him or talked to him like this.

Every facet of their relationship has started as something entirely new and unfamiliar but Joel has made it so easy to just slip into it all. He faulters here and there, as evidenced by his reaction just now, but if he's honest, simply hearing Joel say that Spencer had changed everything for him--that they've changed everything for each other--settles the knot that's been twisting his stomach.

He lets himself relax into Joel's arms and traces the outline of the other man's collarbone through his shirt. "It'll be good," he says, trying to sound sure of himself and nodding firmly as if to emphasize the point. "It'll be good, your family's going to think I'm great, and-- and did I already say that it'll be good?" He offers Joel a small smile before leaning in for another kiss, parting his lips to invite Joel's tongue into his mouth as he lets out a soft sigh.

"Get a room, Waters, don't you think your next victim deserves it?"

His eyes fly open at the sound of the familiar voice and he's rough about pulling away from Joel, though he doesn't get far considering he's still backed against the wall. A turn of his head lets him see who he already knows is standing there--Eli Jasper, local mechanic and long-time bully--and Spencer's cheeks flush red not because he's embarrassed to have been seen kissing his boyfriend but because he's humiliated that Joel is here to see this, to hear any of this. Whether Eli really believes that Spencer had killed his mother and brother, he's never been sure, but his former high school classmate has always been unrelenting in his harassment over it. The interaction is as short-lived as the last one that had happened in front of Lou at the library, though, and Eli is gone before Spencer can even form a reply.

"Neanderthal," he mutters under his breath, rolling his eyes as he lets out a shaky exhale before hesitantly meeting Joel's eyes. It's not his fault, Spencer reminds himself, that people like Eli still treat him this way and it's easy to remember that when his boyfriend is standing right here. He settles his hands on Joel's hips, chewing on his bottom lip as he searches for an explanation before he just gives a resigned shrug. "Eli Jasper. We... didn't get along in high school. But forget him, okay, please? All I want to think about is you kissing me again."

[just_another]

At the sound of that voice cutting through their conversation, Joel turns, and he doesn't know the man, doesn't know his name or his voice and he doesn't recognize his face, but he's clearly someone who thinks he knows Spencer and the surge of rage that bursts into his chest surprises him. He's always had a relatively short temper and he's been known to snap at people when they frustrate him, but he's never before felt such a nearly uncontrollable urge to use either his fists or his magic to hurt someone. Besides Mark, Joel has never been in a fight before, he's never been one to get into the kinds of altercations that end in physical assaults simply because he's always preferred to stay under the radar and not draw any attention to himself and fights draw attention. He's not sure he could win a fight against the man who's now walking away, like he has not only the right, but the duty to says such awful things, to continue to act like a childhood bully far into adulthood, but he's more than willing to try.

"You son of a bitch," he starts and he's about to pull away from Spencer and follow the man as he walks around the edge of the building, but he doesn't just want to leave Spencer standing here and when he turns back to look at him, he's being asked to just forget it. Joel can't do that, he'll never forget that man's face, he'll never forget his voice and though he's not one to plot revenge, he has every intention of making sure nothing like that gets to carry on. He has no idea what he might do, but he's not going to just stand here and let people say things like that to the man he cares about. He hates the way Spencer seems so resigned to this behaviour, like it's something he should expect and Joel's impressed all over again that Spencer hadn't simply left Siren Cove when things had gotten bad. He's sure in the same position he would have been long gone, unable to take such comments and taunting.

"I don't think I get along with him either," he murmurs, a frown still drawing his brows together, though he turns back toward Spencer completely, smoothing his hands over his shoulders. "If he ever comes near you again..." He doesn't know how to finish that threat, not with words anyway, he thinks he might be able to finish it with something else, but Spencer has asked him to let it go and so he draws in a deep breath and then lets it out, forcing his shoulders to relax. This is exactly the sort of thing he knows his mom was referring to when they spoke, but if she thinks for one second that something like that is going to change Joel's mind, then she has no idea who he's grown up into.

"It's forgotten," he says, then cups Spencer's face and kisses him again, long and slow. He doesn't care who sees, what sorts of comments come their way, he refuses to act, even for a second, like this is anything but the best thing that's ever happened to him. "I meant what I said," he murmurs, not drawing away, letting his lips brush against Spencer's as he speaks. "No matter what the small-minded people of this town think, you are a catch, and their loss is my incredible gain."

[doublethepain]

He weaves his fingers through Joel's hair, letting his fingers traces lightly down the other man's neck in an effort so soothe him from the rage Spencer had seen spark in his eyes. He knows it's pathetic, letting Eli walk all over him like that, but he's learned his lesson from the last time he'd spoken up to someone giving him trouble. It hadn't been Eli but it hadn't ended well and Spencer just isn't the fighting type. He remembers the burly man's fist slamming into his stomach and having the wind knock out of him, the light bruise on his cheekbone that his boss had eyed with concern but said nothing about, and Spencer had never told anyone what had happened for the sake of reputation and, if he's honest, the tiny bit of pride he'd been trying to hold onto then.

"If he ever comes near me again, I'll tell him my boyfriend won't stand for it," he says, and he knows it might come off as a bit mocking but that's not what he's aiming for and he lowers is head so he can rest his chin on Joel's shoulder, feeling the rise of fall of his boyfriend's chest beneath him. He's relieved when Joel seems to let it go, providing no resistance and welcoming the other man's lips against his own.

He's said it more than once, that he feels safe with Joel. When Joel's arms are around him, he's certain there's nothing that can touch him or do him any harm because he has someone now. He has someone who isn't afraid to show how deeply he cares, to show how far he'd go to protect him, and sometimes it renders him absolutely speechless to know that. That Joel had been ready just now to go after Eli speaks so loudly about just how far his boyfriend is willing to go to defend him, and it's simply another confirmation of something Spencer already knows. He's asked Joel to forget this had happened and he knows it must be hard for the other man to appease him in that. Joel does so much for him simply because Spencer asks him to and it's unlike anyone he's ever had in his life.

"Thank you," he murmurs, and it can't encompass all the he feels but he wishes it could because there's so much he needs to thank Joel for. "I really hope I'll be able to live up to that."

[just_another]

"You don't have to try. You already do," Joel assures him, brushing one hand over the side of Spencer's face before he pulls back and smiles. He can still feel the anger in him, simmering just below the surface, and he has every intention of finding out as much about this man as he can, every detail, though he has no idea what he might do with all that information. All he knows is that he might need it someday and while he has no clear plan, he knows the time might arise when everything works out in his favour, a situation in which he can impress upon Eli how important it is to never come within a hundred feet of Spencer again. The only other person he's ever felt such a strong desire to protect is Charlotte and he's aware of what that means, of how deeply it indicates he cares for Spencer and maybe it should scare him, but it doesn't.

But for now he's able to let it go enough that he won't dwell on it. Not while he's with Spencer. He won't let someone like that awful man ruin any of the time they spend together.

"I guess you won't be going back to work any time soon," he says with a soft huff of laughter, peering toward the front of the building. The crowd is gone, but the trucks are still lingering and he wonders just how much damage has been done to the break room. He doesn't want there to be any damage to the library, not when Spencer loves it as much as he does, but he likes the idea of the two of them being able to spend the rest of the afternoon together. "I was coming for lunch anyway, so do you think you can slip away with me? I'll make it worth your while."

The second it leaves his lips, he realizes how it sounds and while he'd really only meant food, he can't help but grin, feeling his cheeks heat a little. Regardless of what he'd meant, he'll let that stand and allow Spencer to interpret it anyway he likes. "Though maybe you should check with your boss before I drag you off."

[doublethepain]

He feels like it had maybe been a little too easy to get Joel calm but Spencer doesn't want to fight it. He doesn't want to think about Eli, not even remotely, and he suddenly feels drained from everything that's happened in the day so far. Getting his splints and brace finally removed, the damage he'd caused to the break room, the comment from Eli, he wants to be far removed from all of it so when Joel suggest slipping away, he nods eagerly. He can't think of anything better, in fact, because if there's one person in this town who will always be able to make him feel better, it's Joel.

"I doubt John will even want me to stick around for fear of letting the rest of the library go up in flames," he says with a quiet chuckle. "Besides, it's a holiday. I think he'll agree that we can finish the inventory tomorrow."

He slides off the wall and heads back toward the front of the building, taking Joel's hand in his on the way before giving the other man a sidelong glance that's accompanied by a fliratious grin. "He'll be even more convinced when I tell him you've prmoised to make it worth my while. Though if I'm honest, every moment with you already is." They round the corner and John catches sight of them before they can approach. He pauses as John pulls his phone out of his pocket and gestures toward Spencer before turning back to the fireman he'd been talking to--though Spencer doesn't think they're even discussing the break room anymore, John's gestures are wild and he's already laughing.

He pulls his phone from his back pocket to see the text he'd missed with a smile, holding out for Joel to see.

Call it a day, pyro. You two have fun.

He presses a kiss to Joel's cheek, wrapping his arm around his boyfriend's waist as he guides them away from the scene, ready to be anywhere but here as long as it's with Joel. "So where are you dragging me off to, then?"

[just_another]

Joel's mouth quirks into a smile at the text and he glances curiously in John's direction, watching the man for a moment. He knows very little about him, but he trusts Spencer's judgment more than he does most people and so he trusts that John is a good man. Probably better than many people in Siren Cove, given that he treats Spencer well and is clearly well liked and respected in turn. Sometimes he thinks he ought to make the effort to get to know the man better, but he's nervous about that for some reason. It feels a little like putting himself up for scrutiny and while he's not completely opposed to that -- Spencer should have someone to scrutinize him, he thinks, he should have someone to tell him whether or not Joel is worthy of his time -- it makes him feel a little sick to his stomach to think he might be found wanting.

"Oh," he says, realizing Spencer is asking him a question and he pauses, then smiles a little sheepishly. "There might be shepherd's pie cooling in my apartment right now." He'd made it with every intention of bringing some to Spencer for lunch, but it hadn't been cool enough to pack up by the time he'd left, so he had planned on asking Spencer to just come back with him to the store for lunch. If they have the afternoon off, however, they'll be able to eat upstairs at a real table before finding something else to do. Either outside the apartment or, preferably, in.

"And then there are fireworks on the boardwalk later," he continues, which he's sure Spencer is aware of. They happen every year and not just at the boardwalk, but the ones set off for the largest crowd are always the ones Joel has liked the best. "They're easy to see from the fire escape, I watch them from there every year, but I... I got an extra chair this year." It's nothing, it's just a low quality fold out beach chair he picked up from the store, bright green fabric wrapped around a cheap metal frame, but it matches the blue one he already has out on the fire escape for this very thing and he's never invited anyone out there with him before. The chairs are cheap, but comfortable and he's never wanted so badly to simply sit outside his window with someone as he does with Spencer.

[doublethepain]

John as been accommodating of Spencer from the start, seeing something in him that Spencer's never been able to suss out, only that it had been more than the fact that he'd been Vera Waters' son. After his mother and brother had died, John had been the one to bail him out of jail before Levi had ultimately cleared his name. John had been the one to bring him into a hug when Spencer had been unable to hold back his tears after the funeral had ended; and he'd also known Spencer well enough to know that he would never need to bring it up again. He'd had expected nothing less than John's gruffly affectionate declaration that as long as Joel didn't steal Spencer away as an employee, he'd be happy for them both, and Spencer smiles to himself as he spares one last glance over his shoulder at his boss, at the closest thing to family Spencer's had in the last couple years, before setting his full attention back on Joel.

His eyes brighten at the mention of the shepherd's pie and he can't hide the pleased look on his face at the fact that Joel's cooked for him. He's rubbish at fitting in good meals on his own, he's never been a talent in the kitchen like his mother had been. Even Dane had been able to pull off some great dishes here and there but every time Spencer had given it a shot, the family had just ended up ordering pizza instead. He doesn't have a problem with that, he can accept that he's not a genius in the kitchen, and there's something about having a boyfriend who is that's awfully appealing.

He flushes out of pleased pleasure that Joel has brought up another chair to the fire escape, and he curls his fingers over Joel's hip and gives a quick squeeze before happily kissing his boyfriend on the cheek. He feels a bit giddy at the thought of having someone to watch the fireworks with, someone to kiss under the fireworks for the first time in his life, and he hopes that Joel won't say anything if he notices the sudden skip in Spencer's step. "Dinner and a show," he says, keeping his tone even though his smile is broad. "Watching the fireworks from the fire escape with you sounds highly superior than dealing with the crowd. Besides, I think I like the idea of celebrating our first holiday together like that. Together, just you and me."

[just_another]

That is exactly what Joel had been thinking and he knows it's not a birthday or Christmas, but it's still been sort of a big deal in his head and he smiles, flushing faintly when Spencer says as much. His fire escape isn't exactly roomy, especially once he had put both chairs out there, and there isn't anything particularly special about it except that it's the place he's watched the fourth of July fireworks every single year since his arrival in Siren Cove. Twice with Charlotte, then eight years in a row alone. And the view is actually pretty spectacular, especially given that it's a rusted fire escape on the back of his bookstore. It's the one thing he knows he'll miss about his apartment should he and Spencer end up living together, because he can't imagine for even a second asking Spencer to come live with him, not when he has his family's home.

He flushes faintly, though he hasn't said any of this out loud. The idea of living with Spencer is one he's thought of a few times and he's not particularly surprised that he's thinking it, not when things have been going so well. Yet he thinks it might be too soon to be having such thoughts, that they'd only tried to have their first date a month ago, that he had only called Spencer his boyfriend for the first time two weeks ago, but it feels right at the same time. And he feels like he's probably not the only one thinking about their future like this.

"I picked up some beer, too," he says, taking Spencer's hand and beginning to lead him in the direction of the store. "I know it's not whiskey, but it felt more appropriate to the day." Those are really the only two things he drinks with what might be considered any sort of regularity, but even that is pushing it. He's never been one to drink to excess very often and even when he has alcohol in his apartment, he often forgets it's there until months later when one of the bottles clinks against something else in the fridge. It had once taken him nearly an entire year to drink six bottles of beer he'd had stored in his fridge. "And I do, too. I... I like the idea of it being just the two of us. It's..." But he's not sure what it is, exactly, only that he really does like it and he huffs out a laugh and shrugs his shoulders.

[doublethepain]

"It's been awhile since I've had a beer, that actually sounds incredibly refreshing," he says, licking his lips already in anticipation of the food and drink that he now knows are waiting for him at Joel's place. He's got a liquor cabinet full of different cordials and spirits, plus a rack of beer that's been sitting in his fridge for so long that he's sure it must be stale by now, but he's always just settled for the whiskey. The past couple years have consisted of many nights sitting in his library or curled up on the couch with a book and a glass of whatever brand he'd been in the mood for, and he knows a big part of that had been the need to escape from his mind for just a little while. Being alone in that house, with the scene of his mother's death just a few yards behind him, hadn't exactly been a comforting home experience; and it hadn't been until Joel started sleeping with him that he hadn't felt the need for a drink before bed.

He's distracted from his thoughts by what Joel says and a smile creeps across his face as he nods his agreement. "It's right," he finishes, certain that it's true because he doesn't feel especially inclined to go out to the boardwalk to be surrounded by nearly the entire town for the fireworks, and he doesn't think Joel does, either. He remembers how uncomfortable he'd been at the ball, how he and Joel had both still been so careful around each other, and it amuses him to think of how far they've come since then. There's no need to put on airs anymore, not when they've become so close in so many ways, and he's not afraid to admit that when it comes to choosing between being out with a crowd or being just with Joel, he'll choose the latter every time.

They pass a few familiar faces, mostly library patrons, on the way to the store and Spencer is relieved that they're all friendly, offering waves and hellos; it's a welcome change from the way Eli had spoken to them earlier. Not everyone in this town is all bad, he knows, even if sometimes it feels like nearly everyone here is still set firmly against him. He's found that he's slowly starting to be less on edge around strangers, though, and he thinks that's largely due to Joel. His boyfriend had treated him with kindness and respect from the beginning, had put himself on the line to protect Spencer from the debris of that exploding building, and it hasn't been forgotten. He couldn't possibly forget it and as they approach the store entrance, Spencer has to stop so he can turn to Joel, cupping the other man's face in his hands and searching his eyes for a moment before leaning in for a long, sweet kiss.

"Thank you," he murmurs as he pulls just slightly away, their lips still brushing as he says the words, and he knows it's rather out of the blue but an explanation is caught in his throat. "For everything you do for me, I-- Thank you."

[just_another]

"You haven't even tasted my shepherd's pie yet," Joel teases when Spencer thanks him, but he wraps an arm around his waist, pulling him close and pressing his face against the curve of Spencer's throat, because he knows exactly what Spencer is saying. So much of their time together is spent trying to figure out the right way to thank him in return, to find some way to make him really understand how amazing he is and how much Joel appreciates all the things Spencer does for him, but he's never sure if he accomplishes that or if just his words will be enough to really explain it. Somehow he doesn't think so. He's not sure there are words that are big enough to encompass everything he feels for Spencer and for someone who's had such an incredible love of books his whole life, that's just not acceptable. He'll find them one day, he'll keep looking until the right words are there and maybe even then they won't be enough.

He pulls back a little, digging his keys out of his pocket with one hand, the other lifting to brush a bit of Spencer's hair back from his forehead. He almost wants to say that he doesn't do anything special, but that isn't true. The things he does for Spencer aren't the sorts of things he does for just anyone. There are very few people in town who've benefited from his potions and Spencer is the only person who has learned that he's a witch so abruptly and so completely without thought. Telling Lara and Cosette had taken time, telling Raleigh had come after a long internal struggle, but revealing himself to Spencer had been on a whim and he's long since written it off, telling himself that he had to, that Spencer might have died otherwise, but he knows that isn't entirely true. He could have been more subtle, could have made it look like the debris had been deflected some other way or had simply slowed down enough that it wouldn't have been dangerous, but instead he chose to do the one thing that would make it obvious what he was. Because even from that moment, he thinks some part of him had known.

"For as long as you'll let me, I'll do everything," he says, pausing just before he unlocks the front door of the store. The smile he gives Spencer is small, perhaps a little nervous, and he doesn't want to think that there might one day come a day when Spencer no loner wants him around. It's not that he doubts Spencer, just that he's never entirely sure if he's doing any of this right, if he's being a good boyfriend, if he's properly expressing how much Spencer means to him. For the most part he thinks they're doing a fairly good job, but he never wants to stop trying. He never wants to take any of this for granted.

Flipping the switch that turns on the light in the stairwell, he reaches for Spencer's hand to tug him inside, then locks the door behind them before he presses Spencer against it gently. "You deserve it," he says, leaning in to kiss him. "You deserve every good thing I'm capable of."

[doublethepain]

The word is on the tip of his tongue, forever, and the only reason he manages to keep himself from saying it is because once they're inside the store, Joel's nudging him back against the door. He closes his eyes and relaxes into the kiss, though his mind is keeps turning that one word over again and again because yes, that's how long Spencer wants Joel to be in his life. The notion that he could possibly want anyone else after discovering that such a thing as what he and Joel have exists is laughable, and he just barely manage to suppress a titter as he invites Joel's tongue into his mouth. There's no going back now, not that he'd ever want to, because he can't think of anyone who doesn't pale in comparison to his boyfriend, his beautiful and kind and sensitive and smart and caring boyfriend who Spencer knows tries so hard to be good to him. Joel exceeds expectations in that regard, in every regard, and Spencer's biggest regret is that he hasn't yet been able to find the right words to explain to Joel just how much of an impact he's had on Spencer's life.

It doesn't necessarily need to be said, he thinks, it's a shared understanding that Spencer can find in the way Joel looks at him; but even so, he's not going to stop trying. He wants Joel to hear it from his own mouth, wants Joel to be certain about how deeply Spencer's feelings for him run. So forever is apt, he thinks, because that's exactly how long he wants to spend with Joel. Forever, always, the rest of his life, however he puts it, the answer is the same. He'll never find this again, and he's going to hold onto it for as long as Joel is happy to stick around.

Once Joel pulls back from the kiss, Spencer ducks his head to hide his pleased smile before taking in a long whiff of the amazing smells wafting from the apartment upstairs. He cocks his head at Joel, bouncing on his heels as he reaches out to take Joel's hand. "Every good thing including that shepherd's pie?" he asks playfully, and it isn't his intention to brush past what Joel has said. He isn't actively trying to ignore the sweet words that warm his chest and make his heart beat a little faster, but he thinks that if he gets started on how much he thinks Joel is the one who truly deserves all the good things Spencer isn't sure he's giving enough of, he won't be able to stop. There's too long a list of reasons why Joel means so much to him, and he'd happily name all of them if his boyfriend ever asked--though Spencer doesn't imagine that will ever be the case--but for right now, he settles for another kiss before pulling Joel along with him to the stairs.

Still, as he starts to climb the stairs, he feels the need to say something, anything to give Joel a hint of the things that have been running through his mind since they'd entered the store. "For the record," he says, smiling affectionately at Joel over his shoulder, "I'll never want to stop letting you."

[just_another]

"It includes all my cooking," Joel says with a laugh, letting himself be led up the stairs and he's been thinking lately that he should give Spencer a key to the store and to his apartment above. He only leaves the upstairs door locked when the store is open, just in case any customers decide to wander up there and he misses them, but he likes the idea of Spencer having a way to get in even if Joel isn't around. If he needs anything or just wants to be there when Joel gets home, he should be able to, he thinks, and he knows he has a spare set of keys somewhere upstairs, probably on the pegboard by the door where he leaves his car keys the majority of the time. He makes a note to look for them later, maybe just to slip them onto Spencer's keyring when he's not looking.

When Spencer speaks, though, his smile softens a little and although he hadn't doubted him, it still feels awfully good to hear, a warmth spreading through the centre of his chest. "Good," he says and he knows it's just a single word, it's not nearly enough of a response to give Spencer in return, but it's the only one he can think of because it truly is the best thing he's ever heard. "That sounds good."

Once they're inside, Joel sets his keys down, glancing at the others hanging by the door and sure enough there's the spare set. A key for the store, for his apartment and even one for the back room downstairs. He smiles faintly to himself, already planning on finding a way to get them onto Spencer's keyring without him noticing sometime tonight.

"Sit," he says, directing Spencer to the table as he walks toward his oven. The shepherd's pie is cooling on top, still hot enough that he won't need to warm it up again and he takes two plates out of the cupboard overheard, busying himself with preparing lunch for the both of them. It still feels strange sometimes, to be taking another person into consideration when he goes about his daily routine, but he likes how it feels. It's far less lonely.

He returns to the table a few minutes later with two plates and utensils, then gets a pitcher of iced tea from the fridge, filling a glass for each of them before he sinks into his chair. "I like this," he says without thinking. "Having you here. Cooking for you. I like it."

[doublethepain]

He heads toward the table as soon they enter the apartment and makes himself comfortable in one of the chairs as he watches Joel mill about the kitchen with his elbow on the table and chin propped up by his hand, an affectionate smile curving his lips. He loves the way being in the apartment makes him feel, so comfortable and cozy and lived in, though he thinks that last one has a lot to do with the fact that Joel has been the one doing the living and it's evident. He notes again the stark difference between the clutter of the store and even, to some extent, Joel's living space to the back room where the Joel keeps all of his more secret supplies and inventory. Granted, he feels content anywhere he goes as long he's with Joel but there's a sense of security here that just can't be fully present at his own house by virtue of the fact that it's where Mark had found him.

His eyes flicker around the room for a moment because he knows Mark has been here, too, had managed to sneak those threatening notes in somehow, but the difference is that Spencer hadn't had his head smashed in with a glass here. He's grateful that Joel has his back turned because there's a sudden sharp pain, what he's sure is just a phantom pain, that explodes in his head and he rubs at both his temples until Joel comes back to the table with two glasses of tea and takes a seat. The pain is gone by then, it had merely been a flash, and Spencer manages a genuinely pleased smile when Joel looks up at him.

"I like it, too," he replies, reaching out to grasp Joel's hand as he gestures to the spread between them. It's not even the right word, he doesn't just like it. He'd gone from being certain of his life as an ineligible bachelor to dating a man who is willing to go to such great lengths to make Spencer happy, to care for him and protect him and do all the sorts of things nobody's done for him since his mother and brother died.

"I like you," he continues, and he blushes because it's not as if that really needed to be said and he feels a bit silly having said it out loud now. "A lot, I-- There's a lot of-- I feel very, er, strongly..." He bites his lips, holding back the urge to roll his eyes at himself and reaching out for his glass so he can take a sip while he buys himself some time to think of something better to say. Nothing comes to mind, and he sets his glass done with a soft grunt of frustration. "Being here, with you, knowing that you actually want to do things like this for me... I like that a lot. I spent so much time alone at home before you came into my life, it's nice to be able to share in something like this."

[just_another]

The more Spencer speaks, the deeper the flush in Joel's cheeks get until he feels like his face is on fire, but he can't help the pleased smile either and sometimes it feels like there's so much going on now between his head and his heart that something has to give. Some part of him is just going to snap and he's going to blurt something out that he can't take back, but he's not sure that would be such a bad thing. Some days it feels like there are so many things he wants to say to Spencer and whenever he finds the words, he hesitates, and he's beginning to think maybe he shouldn't. Maybe he just needs to let that part of him break down, the filter, the wall he's been keeping up. Spencer's broken down most of it already, there's probably no harm in just letting the rest go.

"Me, too," he says and it's so simple, but it's the truth. Everything Spencer has said, he feels it, too. "I... no one would ever come up here. I know I've told you that before, but sometimes it's surprising how right it feels for you to be here. Like you should have been here all along. Like maybe it wouldn't have felt so empty, so much like... like a place I had to keep secure to protect myself." Like a prison, he realizes. He loves his store and his apartment, but he's spent so much time locked up inside of it that it's been a self-imposed prison in so many ways.

He smiles, sliding Spencer's plate over to him and he feels a little self-conscious, but at the same time it's liberating to have said so much. This gets bigger and bigger every day, it becomes more and more all-encompassing, and as much as the thought frightens him a little, he also finds he can't wait for the day when what he has to say to Spencer is bigger still. Already all of this is more than he's ever given to anyone else and he likes that, too. This is all for Spencer. It's never been for anyone else.

"And I like you," he says, but he thinks it might be more than that already. He's certainly never felt anything like this before, nothing nearly this strong, this good. "But you probably won't like my shepherd's pie if you let it get cold," he adds, squeezing Spencer's hand gently and he doesn't want to let go, but it's not as if he won't get to hold Spencer's hand again later.

[doublethepain]

Spencer tightens his hold on Joel's on for one last squeeze that's accompanied by a meaningful smile before he lets go, with some regret as always because he just simply feels better no matter what he's doing when he's holding Joel's hand, and eagerly pulls the plate of food closer. He closes his eyes for a moment and takes in the smell of the shepherd's pie, delighting in the fact that it's a Joel dish that had been made just for them to share. He doesn't want to take anything Joel does for granted because his boyfriend really does do so much that Spencer sometimes feels like there's no possible way he could make up for any of it.

"It means a lot to me," he says softly, and he wants to take Joel's hand again but he reaches for his fork instead because he's sure that if he threads their fingers together, he won't be able to find the strength to let go this time. "It means a lot that you-- that you'd let me in. Here, your life, all of it, and I don't-- That first time you came to my house, it was the first time I invited anyone inside in a long time and it was so easy, stepping aside to let you walk through my door. It just felt right. Everything about being with you feels right."

He's not even looking at Joel anymore and his grip on the fork is too tight as he aggressively digs into the meal before him. One bite is all it takes to make him sink into his chair, letting out a quiet and satisfied groan. "God, you really are the perfect man," he says, and it's not as if he hasn't told Joel that he's perfect before but a flush rises on his cheeks all the same. It would be embarrassing, how much Joel affects him, if he hadn't already been so obvious about it in their time together; and the way he catches Joel looking at him sometimes only serves to make reaffirm that there's no reason to worry or doubt, there's no reason to think that maybe he's feeling too much too fast because they'd been in similar positions when they'd started seeing each other. They're taking this step-by-step together, discovering new things about what it means to be in a relationship together, and Spencer hopes that never stops. He never wants to stop being surprised by the man beside him.

He takes another bite, grinning as he chews, and he thinks he must look so childish right now but he doesn't care. Joel makes him feel like all his concerns are being stripped away, and it isn't as if he'd written his own life off entirely; he'd simply accepted that he'd spend it alone, content in not having to worry about disappointments or arguments or anything that might result in losing another person he cares about. Having it now, knowing what it's like to care this deeply, he finally understands what he's been missing; and he has no idea what he'd do without Joel now.

[just_another]

Joel flushes faintly and squirms with pleasure, looking down at his plate before he takes a bite and yes, it's definitely good, he's always been a fairly good cook, but the fact that Spencer seems to be enjoying it so much makes him happier than he thought possible. It's just that doing anything for Spencer makes him happy. Any reason to make Spencer smile is a good one and any time he accomplishes the task, he feels especially pleased with himself in ways he'd never known he would ever feel. It's a strange thought for him, doing something specifically for someone else. He's never been a particularly generous person, he's never cared much for worrying about what other people think or going out of his way to make them happy, but this is so different. Everything with Spencer is different.

"It does feel right," he agrees and even when he'd been so nervous he thought he might throw up, even when the very thought of touching Spencer was enough to send a thrill through him, even when he considered rubbing the tip of his finger along the outer edge of Spencer's hand to be the most daring thing he was capable of, it had felt right. He's never been one to stray from his comfort zone, but even with sweating palms and a racing heart and a throat so dry he would swear it was made of sandpaper, even terrified and uncomfortable, it had felt right.

"And if all I have to do is cook to keep you this happy, that's easy," he teases a second later, pointing at Spencer with his fork. "I'm good at cooking. And if there's anything else you want kept on the table when it comes to pleasing you, just... let me know." He's secretly a little thrilled that he's managed to say something like that when he's usually so poor at coming up with anything flirtatious or suggestive. He wants to be able to flirt openly with Spencer, to tease him when they're in public together, especially when Spencer is so much better at it than he would have thought, but it's just not his strong point. When he gets it right, like he thinks he did just now, he can't help but be pleased and just a little proud of himself, which he's sure is evident in his expression that he's doing a poor job of hiding.

"On the table," he repeats, then laughs to himself, far too pleased by his own innuendo. "It's a good, sturdy table."

[doublethepain]

Spencer's got a forkful of shepherd's pie halfway to his mouth when Joel says it, and it takes all of his self-control not to let the fork fall straight to the table. He blinks before lifting his eyes to meet his boyfriend's gaze, one eyebrow arched and a slow smirk creeping across his face. "I hope that's true," he answers, leaning back in his chair as he carefully sets the fork down, "because I don't intend to let you say things like that without demanding follow-through."

He wets his lips, looking down at the table with some consideration as he imagines what it would be like to sweep all the dishes and glasses to the floor to make room for himself. He nearly lets out a strangled moan and really, if Joel had wanted to feed him, letting Spencer take just a couple bites before putting the image of having sex right where they're eating is no way to go about it. He shifts in his seat because the thoughts are awfully difficult to get push aside. He can see the muscles working in Joel's back and shoulders, can practically feel Joel pushing inside him, pounding him against the table while Spencer grips the edges tight enough to hurt just to keep from coming too soon.

He looks down and realizes that's exactly what he's doing with one hand right now, his knuckles white, and he rubs his other hand over his face before shaking his head and nudging Joel's foot with his own. "The perfect man but also a menace," he says, though his tone is teasing and affection, and the smile shows that he doesn't actually mind one bit. "How am I supposed to do anything if I'm just picturing you naked every time I look at a table?"

[just_another]

Given the amazing hold Spencer has over him, just how easy it is for him to say the right word or give the right look and reduce Joel to a complete mess, he's awfully pleased with himself right now and he shifts back and forth in his chair, looking down at his food as he takes another bite. Although he's attempting to look like he still has himself together, like he's the one in control now, the truth is that Joel rarely feels like he has any sort of control around Spencer. He knows he'd do anything for him, not only to keep him safe, but anything he asked for even in passing. Any favour, big or small, Joel would do it in a second, and he's pretending to be the one in charge right now, but having just mentioned the table is more than enough to distract him from everything else. The idea of taking Spencer on the table is extremely appealing, bending him over the edge, his arm wrapped around his waist, fingers digging into his hips, maybe one hand sliding up the centre of his back.

When Spencer nudges his foot, he grins and nudges back, rubbing his toes against the curve of Spencer's ankle. "You're going to picture me naked when you look at any table?" he asks before he pauses to take a sip of his drink, then nods thoughtfully. "I can see how that might become a problem." He's still flushed as he speaks, still not used to saying such things, but the more he says, the bolder he becomes. Spencer is responding favourably anyway, it's not as if he looks embarrassed or ashamed or clearly wants Joel to stop talking and the knowledge that he can maybe do to Spencer what Spencer does to him with just a look pleases him.

"I was thinking specifically this table," he says thoughtfully, smoothing one palm over it as his foot rubs against Spencer's again. "I had to build it up here. It would have been too heavy to get up the stairs otherwise." And it may not be the most ornate table in the world, but it's heavy and sturdy and is exactly what Joel wanted when he set out to build it, and although he had never expected to be thinking about having sex with his amazing boyfriend on top of it, it's certainly the right kind of table for it. "But if you're thinking about any table... well, there's the one downstairs in the store. There are a lot of tables in the library." His gaze flicks up and he grins. "Even a few in the quiet corners."

[doublethepain]

"I'll picture you naked more often than that," Spencer corrects, and he can see the blush on Joel's cheeks even when shielded by the beard, and it's somehow all the more appealing. The fact that Joel is trying--and very well succeeding, Spencer might add--is undeniably sexy, as is the thought that won't leave his mind now of having sex in all the places Joel is listing and he almost growls at the images that keep flashing by far too quickly. Down in the store, at the library, in the kitchen, in Spencer's living room, all of them are possibilities that he thinks should very much become realities sooner than later because Joel is being terribly wicked right now and Spencer isn't surprised to find that he loves it.

His voice cracks a bit when he attempts to speak but he doesn't care, he can't be bothered to be embarrassed about it when his boyfriend is saying things like this to him and Joel's foot is rubbing so gently against his own, and he stuffs another bite of shepherd's pie in his mouth before he tries again.

"Is this revenge for the popsicles?" he asks, the slightest hint of teasing in his tone. He can't talk, really. He's growing steadily aroused the more he hears Joel discussing sex and tables in the same sentence, and he really is getting closer to shoving everything off the table and letting Joel practice what he's preaching. He bites down on his lip and lets his eyes travel to where Joel has his palm laid out on the table and shakes his head with a heavy, dramatic sigh. "If it is revenge, I'd like to remind you that I followed through on my teasing."

He's being facetious, though he really wouldn't mind having Joel bend him over this particular table right now, and he reaches out to cover Joel's hand with his own. Whether or not they have sex tonight, whether or not it's on this table, it doesn't matter to Spencer because he knows they're always going to be another day. Joel isn't going anywhere, he's proven that time and time again, and Spencer's smile softens as he thinks about how angry Joel had been about Eli earlier. It seems like so long ago now, so far removed because of how playful they're being, but it means more than Spencer knows how to say that Joel is so willing to defend him. Nobody's done that for him since his own brother.

He wants to keep the mood light, especially when Joel looks so beautifully smug about the way Spencer's pants are obviously tighter than they had been just a minute ago, and he scoots his chair bit by bit until he's closer to Joel. "I have to admit, having your hands all over me while I'm laid out on something that was built by your hands sounds awfully appealing."

[just_another]

At the mention of the popsicles, Joel makes a soft, strangled noise in his throat, and he looks down at his food again, shaking his head abruptly, because there's no way he'd ever want to take any kind of revenge -- even teasing -- for that, because while he'd felt like he'd been drawn as tight as a bow that day, while he'd nearly crashed his car and been certain he was going to get a speeding ticket, he'd also had more fun that day than he'd even realized he was capable of. Spencer brings that out of him, an ability to laugh and to be light, to be playful and teasing. "I don't want revenge for the popsicles," he says slowly, still looking down at his plate, still struggling to keep his smile from growing too wide. "I want a demonstration."

His gaze flicks up finally and he turns his hand over under Spencer's, curling his fingers, rubbing them against Spencer's palm. "And I have every intention of following through. I always... I always keep my word." But Spencer's words cause a shiver to ripple down his spine and he's completely distracted from his food now, distracted by Spencer's voice, the things he's saying, the very idea of pressing him down on this table, one he built by himself. He feels like his eyes are glazed over, like he's moving through something profoundly heavier than air as he pushes his plate aside and pushes up from his chair, lifting his hand to cup Spencer's face.

He's already hard, already desperate, but he wants to take this slowly. He wants to make Spencer remember every single moment of this, like he always does, and he smiles before he ducks down to press a kiss to Spencer's mouth. The food is still on the table, their glasses of iced tea and there's a part of him that just wants to sweep them aside, let them shatter on the floor, but he's still aware enough to recognize that he'll regret that at the end of the day. Instead, when he breaks the kiss, he takes their plates, turning quickly to the counter behind him to set them aside before doing the same with the glasses. Then he rounds the table, tugging Spencer out of his chair and to his feet, setting his hands on his hips as he turns them, backing Spencer up against the table.

He kisses him gently at first, tugging Spencer's lower lip between his teeth with a soft noise in his throat, urging him to sit on the edge of the table with his hands and his hips. This hadn't been his intention when bringing Spencer back here, he'd assumed they'd eat lunch and spend the afternoon together, watch the fireworks and then maybe fall into bed together, but this is more than an acceptable alternative to that plan and Joel's breath hitches with need as his hands slide up from Spencer's hips, fingertips finding the warm skin of his back.

[doublethepain]

His knee jerks up at the words and he lets out a quick hiss of pain when it makes contact with the underside of the table but he only absently rubs at the spot that smarts as he lets himself process the words again. A demonstration, that's what Joel has said he wants, and Spencer will be more than happy to give it to him. He's about to say as much when he realizes he's not quite caught up on what's happening in the present, far too stuck on the idea of showing Joel what he can do, what he does when Joel's away at work and Spencer's alone at home, to notice that Joel has already cleared the table off and is pulling him to his feet.

He's completely at Joel's disposable, he's ready to do anything Joel tells him to do, and he never feels as free as he does when he's with his boyfriend, whether it's in bed or out of bed or on this table. He widens his legs, inviting Joel to come closer as he lets his eyes slip shut at the sensation of Joel's fingertips sliding up his back. This is ecstasy, as it always is, knowing that Joel wants to touch him like this; knowing that Joel wants him at all, really, because he's never felt like he's the sort of person who could be desirable. That Joel finds him worth the effort, worth the time and care that he's put into every moment they've spent together, is something that Spencer will never take for granted.

A part of him can't believe that this is actually happening, that Joel really is going to take him on this table, and it only serves to make his cock harden even more. His moan is muffled by Joel's lips on his and lets his hands roam over Joel's back and shoulders, kneading into his muscles as he tries to find a way to make Joel feel as good as he's making Spencer feels right now. The kiss is slow, gentle, and Spencer is aching with desperation but there's always something so wonderful about taking their time because it's a reminder that this isn't the last time. They're not limited to having sex once a night, Spencer has gleefully discovered that already, and even though he's fairly certain that not getting out of these pants sooner than later will only result in disaster, he takes a breath and relaxes into Joel's arms as he imagines Joel sinking slowly into him.

"God, you're incredible," he breathes, eyes still shut as he leans his head back, exposing his neck and letting his lips part. "I'm always wanting you, the way you make me feel, I-- You just know. You're perfect."