he's beauty and he's grace [closed for joel, dated for 1/19]

[doublethepain]

A week of having powers hasn't been as distressing as Spencer might have thought, though he wouldn't say he's enjoying it. He's still fretting a bit over how long it might last, whether this is something he's going to really have to train himself to deal with, because as much as he thinks he's generally quite ordinary without them, Spencer isn't sure that he'd want to keep the powers permanently. It's invasive, his power, of course it is, he's able to hear people's thoughts no matter how much he doesn't want to or how private they may be. He understands now what Joel means when he says he has to try not to read people's auras because Spencer doesn't want to know that any given person he passes on the street has just had sex or finds him attractive or can't pay their bills this month.

All these things are on his mind as he blinks his eyes open and stretches out in bed, the sun shining through the curtains and casting shadows at all the right angles on his husband's face. He smiles softly before glancing at the clock on their nightstand, sighing to himself when he sees how early it is. There's still a couple hours yet before he has to get out of bed, before he and Joel have to walk Huxley to the store to set up for the day, and he rolls over on his stomach so he can rest his cheek on Joel's chest.

Something feels strange this morning, something he can't quite put his finger on, but he lets his eyes drift back shut because it doesn't matter right now. He can worry about it when the alarm goes off and their day really begins. For now, he's content to pretend that everything is normal--well, as normal as things can be when it comes to living in this town--and that he's powerless as he should be and their biggest worry, which isn't even a worry at all, is what size the baby's growing to be this week.

Everything else, Spencer's happy to let wait.

Comments

[just_another]

It's been a weird sort of week, not one Joel ever really expected to have, but for the most part he's dealt with it all relatively well. There's nothing he could think that he would want to hide from Spencer, so he hasn't been particularly concerned that his husband can read minds. Not his anyway. While Joel may not be the most talkative person, Spencer already knows everything there is to know and anything he thinks isn't something he feels the need to hide. The only moment when he'd had a problem with it had been two days ago, walking past a tall, gorgeous woman on the street who had just barely glanced over the two of them, but Spencer had flushed and hurried on, ducking his head so he wouldn't have to look at her. It had taken Joel nearly ten minutes to get him to admit that he'd overheard her thinking some particularly dirty thoughts about Spencer and it's silly for him to be jealous of something like that, but he couldn't seem to help it at the time. He knows Spencer isn't interested in her, that they're married, that Spencer loves him, but at the same time he'd wanted to track the woman down again and shake his ring finger right in her face to show her that they're married.

So it's been a bit of a strange week, but life in Siren Cove has the tendency to be strange. No one is in any danger, the renovations on the house are progressing nicely and his cast has come off. Though his hand still aches if he uses it too much, all in all, it's been a relatively good time and if Spencer reading minds for a little while is the worst thing that's going to happen to them, Joel will happily take it. In comparison to all the things they've been through, this is almost peaceful.

But Joel is a relatively light sleeper and when Spencer rolls toward him in bed, he's already almost entirely awake. Without opening his eyes, he lifts his arm so Spencer can get closer, then drops it down over his shoulder again and it's only when his fingers trail up Spencer's spine and encounter the ends of his hair much further down his back than they should be that he pauses. Now that he's aware that something is different, everything seems to jump out at him at once. Whoever is in bed with him can't be his husband because their hair is longer and there's the very distinct press of breasts against his side and Joel can feel panic rising in his throat because whoever is in bed with him is not his husband. And the only thing that does is lead him to wonder who this is and what they've done with Spencer.

He's frozen, though. His heart is pounding heavily in his chest and he can feel a cold sweat breaking out on his forehead and he doesn't know what to do. If this person has done something with Spencer and snuck into their bed, Joel might be in danger now, too, and he very carefully opens his eyes, staring down at the woman who has settled into his bed and in his arms. He wants to be smart, he wants to be careful and make sure no one is going to get hurt, but the panic suddenly gets the better of him and he opens his mouth to ask her what the hell she thinks she's doing here and what the hell she's done with Spencer.

All that comes out, though, is a short noise, something that almost sounds like he's in pain and then Joel pushes up and away, getting tangled in the sheets as he tries to scramble out of the bed. He's just going to fall, he realizes, and he yanks at the sheets around his legs, looking around the room at the same time, trying to find some sign of Spencer, some indication where he might be or that he's okay. Because if she's done something to him, if she's hurt him in any way, Joel doesn't think he'll be able to stop himself from doing something he might come to regret.

[doublethepain]

It takes half a moment to process what's going on because he'd almost been back to sleep when Joel had ripped himself from under him. His cheek hits the mattress and his eyes fly wide open as he sits up in bed looking sufficiently put out. "What's wrong, what happened?" he asks, and he blinks before looking around the room because the voice he's just heard is definitely not his own. It isn't until he looks down at a pair of unfamiliar exposed breasts that it starts to get harder to breathe and then he hears the thoughts flooding from his husband's mind.

Where's Spencer? Who is she, what's she doing in our bed, what did she do to Spencer, where's Spencerspencerspencer--

"Baby, it's me, I swear," Spencer tells him, brow furrowed as he tries to stop himself from hearing what's in Joel's head, and the urgency is more than evident in the significantly higher octave of his voice. His hands are up in the air as if he's surrendering for he's not sure what, but it isn't long before he feel so suddenly self-conscious by his bare chest that he drops his arms to cross over the breasts that both are and most certainly are not his.

It's too strange, all of this, even in comparison to some of the things they've been through over the past few months because at least through those things, Spencer had remained very much himself. He doesn't think it's entirely unfair to be just the slightest bit terrified right now, both by the notion that there may not be a way to reverse whatever's been done to him to make him this way and the way Joel is looking at him right now. It hurts more than it should because of course Joel doesn't recognize him, he's at absolutely no fault for that because he hadn't exactly asked to wake up to an entirely new body next to him in the bed he shares with his husband every night.

But Spencer doesn't know what to do about it, all he can think of right now is how badly he wants Joel to stop glaring at him like he's a stranger who doesn't belong here. It's then that he realizes how he can prove it, there are a couple different ways, in fact, and he breathes a silent sigh of relief to himself for managing to think of them because in his initial panic, Spencer had drawn a complete blank. "My tattoo," he says, pushing himself to his knees, and he's naked like he is many mornings with Joel but it works in his favor in a different way this time.

There, on his left side just at his hip, is the tattoo he'd gotten as a Christmas gift to Joel. It's one thing that's unchanged, one thing that Spencer's grateful for if he has to be grateful for something right now, and he brushes his thumb over it carefully, almost as if he's afraid he'll erase it if he presses any harder against the letters and numbers. He swallows hard, grabbing for their comforter and tucking it under his arms in an effort to cover himself back up, and it feels so strange to act so modestly in front of Joel, but Spencer doesn't know what the right thing to do is in this situation because he's hardly ever had to deal with this before. His husband had been possessed by a demon not two months ago, and Spencer's having trouble wrapping his head around the fact that he's woken up in a woman's body. He's not entirely sure which one ranks higher on the Very Strange scale.

"If that's not enough, just-- Just read me, read my aura, look for our connection. I know it's still there, it has to be." His body has changed but he's still Spencer, and the thread will never break so there's no way that column of energy between them could have disappeared just because his biological makeup has been altered somehow.

Not somehow, he thinks, but because of that same potion that's allowed him to hear thoughts. Spencer's sure of it.

[just_another]

Without a thought, Joel squeezes his eyes closed, because there's suddenly a very naked woman in their bed and he can't. He can't look at her because he's only supposed to ever look at Spencer like this and at the same time he becomes horribly aware of his own nakedness and wishes he would just wake up. This has to be a dream, it has to be, because it doesn't make any sense otherwise. There's no way he would sleep through someone taking Spencer out of their bed and putting him somewhere so she could crawl in beside him instead. He would wake up, he would remember, so it had to be a dream. A horrible dream.

"Wake up. Wake up," he mutters to himself and he peeks one eye open, but the woman is still there, the blanket suddenly pulled up under her arms and Joel opens his mouth to tell her to get out when it just sort of happens. It's been happening more and more often lately, especially when his guard is down or when he's stressed out. He just slips into that other state, the one where he can see the energies that flow around people, moving like shimmering light shows and it's easy enough to get caught up and distracted in them, because seen like that, humanity is so much more beautiful than it usually seems.

But he knows Spencer's aura almost as well as he knows his own and there's no mistaking what he's seeing now. That column of light and energy that connects him to his husband is still there, only it extends from his chest and goes straight into the woman in their bed. The shifting lights around her are exactly the same as Spencer's and Joel can see every last little nuance that make up his husband. This woman is undeniably Spencer.

And that doesn't make a damn bit of sense.

Joel sits back a little, collecting the sheets that have tangled around his legs and doing his best to cover himself, because Spencer or not, this is still an unfamiliar female body in his bed and he feels very strange about that. He blinks several times, then runs a hand down his face, scratching his beard. There's still a thread of panic running through him, his heart pounding wildly and his hands trembling slightly, but when he looks at her, he sees Spencer's aura. That sort of thing can't be faked, it can't be.

"Spencer?" he breathes finally, peering at the woman, but doing his best to keep his gaze exclusively on her -- his? -- face.

[doublethepain]

Joel refuses to look at him at first, and it might be comical if Spencer weren't so desperate to get his husband believing that he is who he says he is--that is, himself. There's nothing he can really say that can really dull the shock right now, he's quite sure of that, and frankly, Spencer feels like he's far beyond that point now. He's so stunned by the change of his body that he's reached a strange level of calm, one that he's sure won't last long but is at least thankful for because if there were two Waters-Bakers losing their minds right now, Spencer doesn't think anything would be resolved.

Granted, there may be no resolution. The possibilities are already racing through his mind, questions of whether this is permanent and if it isn't, how long will it last? He wants to knock on Raleigh's bedroom door and ask if she's experiencing the same thing, wonders if she'd open it and Spencer would be faced with a man's body but then there's the fear that this isn't happening to anyone else at all and it leaves Spencer feeling very, very alone. He doesn't want this, doesn't know why it's happening to him, all he'd wanted when he woke up this morning was to be able to rest in bed with his husband.

His husband, who doesn't recognize him because in every way but the one that can't be seen, Spencer isn't Spencer. He nearly turns away, eyes welling with tears of frustration, but then Joel stops. He stops, and he stares, and Spencer feels a spark of hope in his chest because he's sure that Joel can see it now, that column of energy that will always connect them wherever they go. He wishes he could see it himself. Joel has described it to him before, the colors interwining and forming that unbreakable bond, but right now, he thinks it would be a great comfort. It isn't until he hears his name on Joel's lip that Spencer feels the tension drain from his shoulders, and he nearly collapses back down on the bed so he has to lay his palms out flat to catch himself, the sheet falling back to the mattress and leaving his new body bared again. Spencer feels like he should still care about that, about being exposed like this, but he can't find the energy. He shuts his eyes the way Joel had, taking in a deep breath and holding it for a few seconds before letting out a sharp exhale and opening his eyes again because maybe this really is just a dream, maybe when he opens his eyes again, he'll wake up in Joel's arms and in a body that belongs to him.

It doesn't work, of course, and he looks up at Joel with wet eyes that speak to the helplessness he feels right now. He wants his husband to hold him, to tell him everything's going to be fine and they'll find a reversal to whatever this is, but his hand drops to his thigh before he can manage to really reach out for Joel, and Spencer lets out a shuddering whimper. A glance down shows him how loose his wedding ring his around his finger, and it's all just too much to handle.

"Oh, god," he groans, scrubbing his hands over his face as he lets himself fall onto his back, head hitting his pillow. "What do I do? Joel, what am I supposed to do?"

[just_another]

There's still a part of Joel that thinks he must be dreaming, but he inches forward a little on the bed, moving toward the woman -- Spencer, he reminds himself, he has to start thinking of her as Spencer -- so he can study her a little better. And that, too, causes some confusion, because this body is clearly that of a woman and Joel automatically thinks of this body as a her, but it's still Spencer inside, still someone who identifies as male and it's so much to deal with at once, but he has to make that effort, too. To think of Spencer as him because that's still who he is.

And when Spencer asks what he's supposed to do, there's something so familiar in the voice, in the cadence of his words that Joel finds any doubt he had left draining away. Not that there was really any left to begin with, not after seeing Spencer's aura. It's just such an unbelievable situation and yet his expression softens and he shakes his head, because he doesn't know. Truly, he has no idea what they're supposed to do in the face of something like this.

There's a strange twisting in his stomach. He wants to reach out, to gather Spencer against him, to tell him they'll figure something out and everything will be okay, but he feels guilty at the very thought. This isn't Spencer's body. Or it is, but it isn't the one Joel is familiar with and he isn't sure what to do with that. He isn't sure what's appropriate and what isn't, what he's allowed to do and what might be wrong. A little part of him feels like it would have to be considered cheating on his husband to collect him in his arms like this and he knows that thought is absurd. This is Spencer in front of him. That should be the only thing that matters.

"Spencer," he says gently, then reaches out cautiously, his hand still shaking, and touches his husband's shoulder. Even that feels different, the smoother, softer curve under his fingers, and he doesn't know what to think. What he needs to do is concentrate on Spencer, on what he needs right now, on the fake that he's clearly upset. Joel needs to comfort his husband.

"It's okay," he says, his hand sliding up from Spencer's shoulder to the side of his neck and then carefully into his hair. Everything feels different. Every last little touch. "We'll figure it out, it'll be okay."

[doublethepain]

Under most circumstances, when Joel says that things will be okay, Spencer doesn't find it hard to believe him. After the lighthouse, after the cruise, after the demon, they've reassured each other time and time again that it's okay, it'll be okay, and it seems a bit silly and dramatic to compare something like this to some of the truly worst times they've experienced together but Spencer can't quite help it because he doesn't see how any of this is okay. Nothing about how he feels or what he knows has changed, he's still Spencer Waters-Baker, son of Vera and Spencer, Sr., brother to Dane, and husband to Joel; but this body is all wrong and the longer he's in it, the more uncomfortable he is.

Joel's hand on his shoulder makes him freeze, the touch of it both familiar and not all at once because even though he's memorized every part of his husband, head to toe, it still feels different. His hand feels larger, rougher against Spencer's smoother, more delicate skin, but the warmth is there, as it always is and always will be, and Spencer leans into it. One deep breath is followed by another until he finally finds the courage to look at Joel again, having no clue whatsoever what his face looks like now, and it's just bizarre. He can't imagine what Joel must be thinking right now because Spencer doesn't know how he'd react himself, waking up in the morning to find someone who looks like a stranger in their bed.

He wonders if he would have been able to see his husband past a new exterior even without being able to see his aura, if Spencer would have eventually been able to recognize Joel simply by his mannerisms, his cadence of speech, a look that Spencer wouldn't get from anyone else; and more than that, he supposes he wonders if Joel would have been able to do the same. Somehow, musing on that calms him because he arrives at the only conclusion that's acceptable anyway, that of course they'd both be able to tell without any extraordinary assistance, even if it took just a few more minutes to get over the initial shock.

None of this changes the fact that there's a tension between them right now, though, one that exists because it's very apparent--fairly so--that neither of them are quite sure how to deal with this. "It has to be the potion," he says, and it's easier that way, to default to something rational in the face of what he can't quite wrap his mind around. "The one that gave me the powers, it's the only thing I can think of, short of some kind of curse, and I don't know what anyone would hope to accomplish by cursing me like this. But I'm still me. You-- You can tell that, right?" He rolls over onto his side, looking up at Joel with wide, mildly desperate eyes as he rests his hand on his husband's chest. "Right?"

[just_another]

Don't look at his breasts. It seems like it should be simple enough, but Joel can barely manage to keep his gaze above Spencer's shoulders. It's silly, it's not as though he's never seen breasts before, but it's been a very long time and they've never belonged to his husband before. And yet at the same time he feels extremely awkward about treating Spencer the same way he normally would. On any given day, no matter what was worrying Spencer, Joel would pull his husband against his body, wrap his arms around him and promise him that everything would be just fine. But he can't do that now. He can't, because if he does, he's just going to feel Spencer's breasts pressed against him and he's not prepared for that. Not if he can't even look at them.

It's more than just the fact that they're breasts, that his husband's body is suddenly unfamiliar, it's that it feels a little wrong. Like he's doing something he shouldn't be. He knows this is Spencer, his aura more than proves it, but at the same time it's a different body. It's not the one he's grown used to, it's not the body he expected to wake up to every day for the rest of his life. It feels like he's doing something wrong, like Spencer will go back to being himself and will then he angry with Joel for touching a different body. That's probably stupid, he doesn't think Spencer would really be angry with him, but he can't help the thoughts.

"I know it's you," he says and he hesitates for a second -- Don't look at his breasts! -- before lifting his hand and brushing his fingers along Spencer's cheek. And while it's different, there's still a similarity there in the sharp edge of his cheekbone, the square angle of his jaw. Feminine, certainly, and not Spencer the way he knows him, but still familiar.

"The way you speak," he continues a second later. "Your aura, of course, and the tattoo." The tattoo he couldn't bring himself to look at it because it would have meant looking at an unfamiliar body, an act that still feels wrong somehow. "But the way you speak. It's just clearly you."

His thumb sweeps over Spencer's cheek again and his fingers push very gently into his hair and he's surprised by how similar that feels. Longer, certainly, but the texture is the same. The way the curls slide over his fingers is all Spencer and Joel smiles then, just a little. "It is... it is okay that I'm touching you?" He wants to comfort him, but he isn't sure how.

[doublethepain]

Spencer only nods at the question, lips slightly parted at the feel of his husband's hand against him, and he shivers at how much more sensitive his skin seems to be now, though he can't deny that he's just as reactive to how close Joel his to him. There's a different sort of rush that goes through him, one that would normally be speeding straight for his cock, but as he's remembering right now, he doesn't have a cock anymore. It's distressing, really, it's not as if this is something he'd ever thought he'd have to prepare for, and his brow furrows as he inches closer to Joel with a worried frown. "What if I stay like this forever?" he asks, glancing down at the breasts that he flushes at seeing because it still feels like he's looking at someone else rather than his own body. He doesn't even know where to begin when it comes to dealing with is, whether he's supposed to embrace this for as long as it lasts or if he should hide himself away from his husband and the rest of the world because there's clearly something very wrong with him.

He pauses when he hears it--and he hears it more than once--flash through Joel's mind, a command to himself not to look at Spencer's breasts, and all of this is so absurd that he huffs a laugh. It's humorless and it isn't, mostly just incredulous because he's not sure that this is ever going to make much sense but the one thing he does know is that he doesn't want his husband to go anywhere.

"You can look," Spencer teases, moving his hand up through the hair on Joel's chest until it's resting on his shoulder. "You can always look at me, all of me, no matter what I-- God, no matter what I look like, I suppose." He doesn't want this to be forever. Joel had marreid him, yes, but he hadn't married him like this, and Spencer hardly thinks Joel loves him purely for aesthetics' sake but at the same time, he doesn't know what it's going to mean if there's no going back. Joel will be here to support him through every second, Spencer is sure of it, but there's that needling voice of doubt at the back of his mind that tells him that this could very well cause some problems.

It's in his best interest then, he supposes, to take the right steps to make sure it doesn't. "Look at me, baby," he murmurs, pushing himself further up the mattress so he's leaning against the pillows, searching Joel's eyes with his own and finding a sense of relief at the small smile curving his husband's lips. "Look at me. Don't stop touching me. Just-- I don't want you to stop touching me." He swallows hard, biting down on the inside of his cheeks as his cheeks grow redder, and it's like being naked with Joel for the first time all over again. Technically, he supposes, it is the first time. He's unsure of himself, unsure of what he ought to do, and he offers a shy, tight smile. "Will you kiss me?"

[just_another]

Spencer tells him he can look, then asks him to, and at first Joel still can't. His gaze drifts from Spencer's face down to his shoulder before it flits away and he knows how absurd it is, especially when it's undeniably Spencer in the bed with him and he's being given permission to look. It's not that he doesn't want to or that he finds the body unattractive by any means, it's the fact that, given what little he's seen, he does find Spencer's new -- and hopefully temporary -- body attractive that makes him uncomfortable. It's confusing and it makes his head hurt because the only person he's supposed to be attracted to like this is his husband. And while he knows this is still his husband in bed with him, it's still difficult to reconcile and he scrubs one hand over his face, trying to wash away the guilt.

But he's a witch. And it's clearly the potion that's done this to Spencer, it has to be. This can all be dealt with. He hasn't been trying very hard so far, not because he doesn't want to help Spencer, but because they've both been busy and it had seemed like reading minds was a nuisance, but not something that needed immediate attention. He's been doing research, he's been looking for ways to reverse the effects of the potion, but he'd mostly come to the conclusion that it would run its course eventually. That there was really nothing he could do to change it. Perhaps this will be the same. If nothing else, maybe it can wait a few hours until they get out of bed. Maybe the more Joel pulls away right now for fear of upsetting Spencer is going to be the thing that does upset him and so he meets Spencer's gaze again, then looks down, letting his eyes rake over his body.

He's gorgeous like this. He's gorgeous at all times, so that doesn't really surprise Joel, but while he's perfectly happy to spend the rest of his life never seeing or touching another woman again, he's always been equally as attracted to them as he is men. And he's never been more attracted to someone than he is Spencer. It's still confusing, still very conflicting in his head, but Spencer asks Joel to kiss him and he can't say no. He'll never be able to say no to his husband, he'll never be able to deny him anything and so he chews his lower lip for a moment as he shifts closer in the bed. His hand is still in Spencer's hair and he tugs gently, pulling them toward each other, his movements slow and cautious. Giving Spencer time to tell him not to if he changes his mind.

But no warning comes and his lips brush Spencer's slowly at first. It's a strange sensation, at once familiar and unfamiliar. His lips have always been full, but there's a softness to them now that Joel isn't used to, something pliable that it takes him a moment to adjust to. He feels, just for a second, like he can't kiss Spencer quite as hard as he might normally and so he takes care to be gentle, his fingers stroking lightly against his scalp. He feels guilty, too, for the tremor of pleasure that goes through him just at the kiss. It's all so hard to make sense of, the guilt he feels, like he's doing something terribly wrong, but the desire to do it at the same time because Spencer asked him to. Joel has always known he would do anything for Spencer, but now he knows how far that really goes.

And it's not that he isn't enjoying it. He is and that triggers a wave of guilt as well. He's enjoying kissing this other mouth and he doesn't want Spencer to read that and to think, even for a single second, that Joel might prefer him this way.

[doublethepain]

Spencer can hear it, the battle in Joel's mind over whether looking at him like this is right or wrong, and thought it comes with a flicker of guilt, it puts him the slightest bit more at ease. It's not that he wants Joel to worry over this, he doesn't, but until he can stop worrying about it himself, there's something soothing about knowing that his husband only wants to do what makes Spencer comfortable. He catches, too, the thought that Joel wouldn't want him to believe he prefers him this way and for that second, Spencer allows himself to appreciate the fact that he's been given the power to read minds. He hasn't wanted it up until now, hasn't been interested in invading other people's thoughts like that because while for the most part, he hasn't heard much that's been especially bothersome, there have been some that have made him uneasy.

He'd meant to tell Joel about the person in the grocery store who'd looked right at him, whose thoughts Spencer had managed to single out because it had been just one word--murderer--before the rest had flooded back in again, but there never seems to be a right time to talk about something like that. It's not even as if Spencer had been surprised that people still think that about him, he knows they do, but to hear is so clearly as if it really had been said out loud had been a jarring experience, and it had made him that much more eager to rid himself of this power.

Right now, though, he's finding that he's glad for it. When this is over--if it ever ends, that is--Spencer will be more than happy to go back to the ordinary man he'd been, the one whose greatest power is rooted in how vehemently he loves his husband, but until then, it helps him relax to know that Joel both wants to touch him but isn't quite sure he'd allowed. He is allowed, of course he is, and in spite of the fact that Spencer doesn't exactly know what to do with the lack of anything between his legs, he thinks he has an idea of how to best begin adjusting to this change. He hopes it doesn't last long, maybe he'll be back to his regular self in a minute or an hour or a day but if he doesn't, if this an effect of the potion that lasts longer than he wants, they need to be ready. They can't very well go on avoiding looking at each other just because Spencer's body is different.

He takes Joel's free hand as they kiss, slowly and tenderly as they both part their lips to allow their tongues to meet, and slides his down his body. He squeezes their hands gently over one of his breasts, shivering at the contact as he feels his nipple harden before traveling further down his side, down the soft curve of his normally sharper hips until Joel's hand his resting on his thigh. He can already feel a wetness between his legs, and it's not entirely comfortably because no matter how willing he is to try to make this work for as long as they need to, this still isn't Spencer's body. There's a natural chemistry between them that won't ever go away but being like this means that Joel has to learn him all over again, and Spencer lets out a frustrated moan as they part to catch their breaths.

"Is it too strange?" he asks worriedly, focusing his gaze on Joel's lips just to avoid his husband's eyes because in spite of what he knows to be true about how much they'll always love each other, he's irrationally afraid of what he'll find there. "I want-- Whatever this is, I want us to be okay. I don't care about anything else, I just always want us to be okay."

[just_another]

Joel draws in a shuddering, surprised breath when Spencer takes his hand and guides it down his body. The last time he had touched a woman, it hadn't been a good experience at all, but he isn't surprised to discover Spencer can change that with just a touch. His hand slides down further, over the soft, smooth curve of his hip and when Spencer leaves his hand on his thigh, Joel squeezes gently, experimentally, and a shuddering breath escapes against Spencer's mouth. It's strangely overwhelming, touching him like this, because the more time that passes, the more at ease he feels and yet it's still unfamiliar and strange, like touching him for the first time all over again. He isn't sure what he's allowed to do, what he's supposed to do, but he feels a little better, knowing Spencer can read his mind right now, knowing he's privy to all the anxieties Joel is feeling over this, all the worry that he's holding onto because he never wants to make Spencer feel like he doesn't love him exactly as he is. Knowing Spencer can read that relaxes him a little and when Spencer asks if it's too strange, he laughs softly, more of a breath than anything.

"It is strange," he says, but then he lifts his hand to Spencer's face again and tilts it up so he can meet his gaze. And that's where he can see Spencer more clearly than anywhere else, right there in his eyes and he smiles softly, just holding his gaze for a moment, looking at him, letting him know he's okay. No matter how strange it is, he's okay. In fact, he's more than okay, which he's sure Spencer can feel if he shifts just a little bit closer, because while it's been a long time since he's touched a woman's body, it doesn't take much effort for Spencer to turn him on and he can already feel little ripples of pleasure coursing down his spine, going straight to his cock. He's not hard, not entirely, but it isn't going to take much more of just lying here with Spencer to get him there. And right now he thinks just lying here isn't going to be enough. Whether or not it's strange is irrelevant because he wants to reassure Spencer. He wants him to know, no matter what, they will always be okay.

"But it's not too strange," he murmurs. "I can see you. We'll always be okay." He ducks his head again to kiss Spencer, harder this time, a little more insistent and even though the mouth is different, the lips a little softer, it's still familiar. This is still how Spencer kisses him, this is still his husband and if things change enough, if he has to spend the rest of his life with Spencer in this body, it won't matter. Nothing is going to change how much he loves his husband. There will be days when he misses Spencer's body as he's grown used to it, but he will adjust. He'll never stop loving Spencer over something like this.

His hand slides down from Spencer's jaw, over the side of his neck and then further, across the smooth curve of his shoulder and then down. He hesitates, but only for a second before he cups Spencer's breast in his hand, an unfamiliar heavy weight, but no matter how unfamiliar it is, Spencer's skin is warm and it makes Joel shiver. He sweeps his thumb curiously over Spencer's nipple, delighting in the way it hardens under such a simple touch and while his experience is limited, he knows enough to understand how different this body is from the one he's used to. How much he'll have to learn, even if it's only for a day. This is how to make it clear to Spencer that they'll be okay, though, no matter what. He can put aside his own conflicting feelings if it means reassuring Spencer that nothing will ever change how he feels, no even this.

[doublethepain]

If he hadn't been aware of it already, the past week of being able to read minds would be more than enough proof of just how much Joel loves him. Every time Spencer closes a door to shut the rest of the world out behind them, every time he's walked into a room that's occupied only by his husband, every time he rounds a corner and Joel catches sight of him, Spencer's heard it. More than that, he's felt it so clearly, like it's something tangible and visible, much like that column of energy between them that will never fade away. Among the other voices in his head, when they're holding hands out on the street, Joel's always sounds most prominently and to be completely honest, when it's just the two of them, it's almost been like nothing's changed at all.

They've always been so in sync, from deciding together what they'd wanted for their future to the things they do to each other in bed, and he's beginning to allow himself to believe that just because his body has changed, that doesn't have to change. He gasps at the brush of Joel's thumb against his nipple, his entire body shuddering just at that, and he keeps his gaze locked with his husband's as he swallows hard, lifts a leg just slightly to drape over Joel's so he can inch even closer. "You'll never stop loving me," he murmurs, and he doesn't know if he says it out loud just to give himself a verbal reminder or to let Joel know that his thoughts are soothing, but he says it and knows it's true.

The love they share isn't ever going to be based on physical traits alone. They'd fallen in love with each other as men, they know each other inside and out as men, but if ever there was a good time to believe in the existence of soulmates, this is it. It'd taken this long to find each other, there's no way either of them would be willing to give this up over something as superficial as the way one of them might look. Spencer dips his head to press a kiss to the hollow of Joel's neck, the brush of his beard harsher on this newer, more sensitive skin of Spencer's but not unwelcome, and he rolls his hips so that the lower half of his body grinds against his husband's. It makes him shudder again, and he doesn't know if he's doing this right because the only time he'd ever been with a woman, she hadn't seemed particularly impressed with him.

He's hardly an expert on female anatomy; really, he's not more of an expert on Joel's than his own, at least that of his regular self, but he does know that the way Joel is touching him feels good. That can't come as any real surprise, of course, but at least it's something Spencer can make sense of while he's still trying to come to terms with the fact that he's been changed this way. He licks a trail from Joel's jawline down his neck until he nips lightly at his husband's collarbone, letting his hand travel over Joel's stomach until it rests just over his navel. He can feel Joel's cock twitch against him, and it makes him groan as he feels an aching between his legs, one that's so different from the typical fare, and he widens them as he lets out a heavy sigh of frustration.

He needs Joel to touch him, to show him that they'll work just as well together while Spencer's in this body as any other time. "I love you," he murmurs. Then again, more urgently. "Joel, I love you. Through everything, always, I love you so much."

[just_another]

"I'll never stop loving you," Joel agrees, his voice hoarse. He's relaxing into this further, into the idea of Spencer like this, the idea of showing his husband just how much he loves him no matter what happens. Spencer can read his mind, he knows all the thoughts that have been going through Joel's head, how worried he was over the idea of Spencer thinking maybe he'll prefer him this way. It's actually quite beneficial, knowing Spencer can get into his head right now, knowing there's nothing between them at all, and it's not like Joel is capable of lying to him to begin with, but this is better. It's easier. This way Spencer just knows and so Joel feels all his worries melting away, especially as Spencer rolls his hips. A strangled sort of groan escapes Joel and he hooks one arm around Spencer's waist, realizing almost in the same moment just how much smaller Spencer is now. While Joel has always been thicker, Spencer is taller than him, but not anymore. At the moment he's much smaller, shorter and thinner, and when Joel wraps an arm around his significantly smaller waist, he realizes how much stronger he is.

It sends a thrill though him that he never would have expected and he tightens his arm and lifts them both, turning Spencer until he's on his back and Joel is hovering over him. He can feel the soft, smooth skin of Spencer's hip against his cock and he groans softly, pushing his hips down, rocking against him. "I love you, too," he breathes and he ducks his head, pressing kisses against the edge of Spencer's jaw and that's the same. It feels so similar, the perfect angle, the strong edge he's so used to and while it's missing the familiar rough feeling of stubble, it's close enough that Joel almost can't tell the difference at all. It's impossible not to notice the difference, though, when his hand slides down again, smoothing over one of Spencer's breasts. His mouth slowly follows the path his hand takes, pressing kisses against Spencer's collarbone and then the top of his breast, kneading it gently in his hand.

"I love you so much," he murmurs, his voice rough as he presses another kiss to Spencer's breast and the very thought should send him reeling, but it doesn't. Not now. He's too caught up in this, in being able to touch Spencer in another way and hopefully make him feel good. He's no expert in this, but he thinks he knows enough and can read Spencer's body well enough to please him, and his thumb sweeps over Spencer's nipple again before he lifts his head a little because he wants to see how Spencer reacts. His thumb and forefinger close down gently over his nipple and he tightens his fingers a little, pinching softly, wanting to gauge the reaction before he does anything else. He just knows how much he likes it when Spencer does things like this for him and he also knows a woman is far more sensitive to this sort of touch than he can ever be. It's an experiment still, testing things, seeing what Spencer might like and Joel watches with interest.

He'd meant what he'd said earlier, too. When he looks at Spencer, when he really looks at his face, he can see him there. It's different, of course, he's still beautiful, still incredible, but different. And yet Spencer is so clearly there in every expression. Joel can see it now. Maybe he couldn't at first simply because of shock, but now it's so clear and Joel watches Spencer's face with something bordering on reverence as he rolls Spencer's nipple lightly, his lower lip pulled between his teeth. He's here to show Spencer how much he loves him, no matter what happens. There's nothing that can stop this, there's nothing in the world that will ever scare him away or make him want distance. Nothing.

[doublethepain]

When Joel flips him on his back, Spencer lands with a surprised gasp that's followed immediately by a breathy laugh at how easily Joel handles him. In his regular body, they're more on equal ground because while Joel has always been stronger than him, he's has the advantage of being just a couple inches taller--and of looking more fragile than he really is. He imagines that's why anyone who has become a true friend of his always seems to develop some sort of protective streak over him, this strange need to keep Spencer safe when he's a grown man who's been able to care for himself well enough over the years of his adult life. It's different than the way Dane or Joel have looked at him, there's an unshakable bond he'd had with his brother and has with his husband that doesn't compare to anything else. When Joel holds him close, when Joel is the one keeping him safe, the feeling is mutual on a much deeper level because Spencer knows that at this point, he could get through almost anything except losing his husband.

Still, Joel has never treated him like he might break. Even when they'd had sex the first time, Joel had been gentle and careful but there'd been an urgency to his actions just like there seems to be now. Spencer's back arches off the mattress when Joel takes a nipple between his fingers, the weight of his breasts heaving against his chests as his breaths come heavier, shorter, indicative of a greater need. He can feel his husband's erection pressing against his hip and that isn't unfamiliar, there are parts of this that don't feel all new because he still knows Joel's body better than he knows his own--certainly better than the body he's in now--but there's something about the familiarity and the growing excitement of having Joel experiment with getting to know him all over again that shoots tingles down Spencer's spine and straight to the muscles that seem to tighten and loosen in anticipation of their own accord.

It's easier to adjust when he can hear his husband thinking so clearly about how he can still see Spencer, past the obvious hint of his aura and the tattoo on his hip. He's too close to euphoria to catch more than just snippets of what's going through Joel's mind but here and there, all he can do is lift the corners of his lips into a smile as he hears them--no matter what, nothing can stop this, nothing--and his eyelids flutter as he leans in to capture Joel's lips for a kiss. Slowly, so slowly, he's growing more accustomed to the changes that have been made and not just the more conspicuous ones. His lips are softer now and Joel's beard threatens to both tickle and rub them raw as he deepens the kiss, moaning into his husband's mouth as an encouragement for Joel to never stop touching him. He still doesn't know what he looks like, doesn't know if his face really is as reminiscent of himself as Joel keeps thinking it is, but he hopes that he'll be able to look into a mirror later and agree. He's still Spencer Waters-Baker, after all, his history and knowledge have remained untouched; but he thinks he'd like to be able to see himself even in this new body.

He lifts his legs to hook around Joel's waist, like he's done so many times before but it's easier now, he feels so much lighter than usual and with his husband in his corner, Spencer thinks this experience is going to be a far more valuable one than he might have realized earlier. He doesn't know how long it will last, is hoping beyond hope that he'll return to his normal body sooner than later, but the way Joel is looking at him right now with that unbridled curiosity, the way he's rolling Spencer's nipple between his fingers and lowering kisses over his chest, it's not something Spencer will soon forget.

"I married the right man," he murmurs and his smile may be the slightest bit teasing but his words are entirely sincere. "When you look at me..." He grinds his hips harder against Joel's cock, wickedly arching an eyebrow as he tries to keep himself from smirking. "God, when you look at me, it's like everything else just disappears." He reaches a hand between them, stretching his petite fingers around the length of Joel's cock as his lips part from the weight of it in his hand. "It's just you and me."

[just_another]

That's exactly what it is and Joel nods, breathless already as Spencer's small hand wraps around his cock. It's just the two of them, no matter what, and he drops his head, pressing another kiss to Spencer's skin before his lips brush over his nipple, gentle at first, barely the softest touch before he lets his teeth scrape against the same skin, waiting to see what kind of reaction it draws out of his husband. He can feel Spencer's nipple hard under his lips and it bring a grin to his mouth, his lips curving before his tongue sweeps out. It's amazing how willing he'd been to never touch another woman like this again, how easy it had been to just give this up, and yet how much he's enjoying it now. It's only because this is Spencer. Somehow Spencer makes every last little moment a hundred times more enjoyable than Joel would have ever known possible. His hand smooths down Spencer's body again, down his side, his fingers spread and he's never felt like a particularly large man, has never noticed the span of his hand, not until now. Not until he's touching his husband and covering a much larger area than he usually does.

"It's always going to be just you and me,"he breathes against Spencer's skin as his hand smooths down over the curve of his hip and here is where he feels the most difference. Besides the fact that Spencer has breasts, that his cock is gone, this is where he notices the biggest difference. He's used to the sharp angles of Spencer's hips, holding onto hard edges of bone as he pushes him down into the bed. He's used to sliding his hand over surprisingly well muscled thighs and this is entirely unlike that. There's a roundness to Spencer's hips that Joel has never known before and while his thighs are still smooth and firm, it's not like it had been before at all. He slips his hand down around the back of Spencer's thigh, then shifts on top of him, sliding his fingers up the inside of his thigh instead and he can feel it already. How different everything is, the heat that seems to be pouring off him, radiating from between his legs and Joel groans again, the sound vibrating across Spencer's skin.

It's just Spencer. Everything boils down to that little piece of knowledge that he loves Spencer so much that he'll do anything for him. It doesn't matter what he looks like, it never will, he'll just be happy to be beside him for the rest of his life. The fact that he's allowed to kiss him and touch him in any body is just a bonus and Joel still doesn't understand how he's gotten so lucky, but he'll count his blessings every single day and will never taken for granted how lucky he is. He'll never forget.

And his hand stops for a moment, his fingers hovering just short of touching Spencer, and he's not doing it to be a tease, though as he lifts his head he certainly realizes it might be taken that way. Especially with the way Spencer seems to be arching toward him. "If anything... if it doesn't feel good or if anything hurts, you have to tell me," he murmurs and as he speaks, he can't seem to help himself. His fingers slide down, down into warmth and wetness and he groans again, shocked by the feeling. He'd forgotten this. He had completely forgotten what this could feel like.

"Promise me," he says, the tip of two fingers finding Spencer's clit and circling gently, teasingly, not nearly enough to do anything more than drive him a little bit crazy. "Promise me you'll tell me." Spencer's skin feels like it's burning hot and Joel knows it can't be, he can't possibly be that warm, but it feels like he is and still he can't draw his fingers away. They slip down again, rubbing gently, and he shivers deeply, his gaze on his husband's face, waiting for him to promise.

[doublethepain]

"God, Joel." In Spencer's mind, he's screaming the words but it comes out as a mere gasp as Joel's fingers slide against him, circle his clit and slowly drive him mad with a lust for his husband that really isn't new but still feels that way all the same. He's trying to keep his eyes on Joel's as he scrambles for an answer, a simple promise even though he's confident enough already that having Joel buried inside him in this body is absolutely going to feel good and while there may be some pain because he supposes that technically, he is a virgin in this body, he's not going to let it stop them. There'd been pain the first time they'd been intimate, too, but nothing so horrible that he couldn't bear it and by the end, he'd forgotten it'd been there in the first place.

Still, Joel's waiting for an answer, and Spencer tries to focus past the way his body is trembling from his husband's touch until he manages a frantic nod. "I promise," he says, voice shaking as he reaches up to brush a curl behind Joel's ear and tightens his grip on Joel's cock, rubbing his thumb over the tip. There are so many sensations prickling over his body right now that he doesn't quite know how to keep up with them all, from the flicker of Joel's tongue over his nipple and the cooling sensation that's left behind to the heat that seems to be growing between his legs. He drapes his arm around Joel's neck for support as his hips buck against his husband's hand, stroking Joel's cock in time with the circles being rubbed against his clit as he leans his head back.

"I promise," he says again, "I trust you, baby, I always trust you." He wants more, needs more. He wants to spend the entire day in bed, letting Joel explore this new body and using it to find the best ways to make Joel moan. He wants to feel Joel enter him slowly, slow enough to make him beg until they fall into a steady rhythm that makes them both come and later, he wants Joel to fuck him into the mattress, hard enough to shake the walls. He wants Joel to fuck his mouth, wants to feel Joel's fingers and tongue inside of him, wants to ignore the rest of the world while they lie here together and revel in the smell of sex. He wants to take advantage of this while they can because it's important, it's unique to them and always will be, just another way of showing each other just how much they love each other because not even something as unexpected as this could make either of them walk away.

Everything about Joel seems bigger now--the broadness of his chest and shoulders, his hands, the feel of his cock in Spencer's grasp--and there's no mistaking the frustration in the heavy sigh Spencer lets out before he bites down hard on his bottom lip, hard enough that for a second, he thinks he might actually draw blood. It doesn't surprise him that Joel would drive him absolutely crazy right now, this happens all the time, but in this body, it's essentially like being touched for the first time so every single movement, even every lack of movement, has Spencer seeing stars because he knows exactly what he wants. Joel knows exactly what he wants, Spencer can hear him thinking about it, about the heat radiating off every part of his body, and Spencer thinks he might be dangerously close to coming just from the thought of having Joel's cock finally slide into him.

It wouldn't be so bad, he supposes, it's not as if he needs recovery time in this state, so perhaps it wouldn't be such a terrible thing to let Joel take it step by step at first. It's Monday, after all, the store is closed and while they'd planned to do work on the nursery today, Spencer is sure that his husband won't find it disagreeable to save that for later. He swallows hard, gently releasing his hold on Joel's cock and letting his hand travel downward until his fingers meet his husband's on his clit, following the small circles as he gasps from the added pressure to the point that his eyes nearly roll into the back of his head from how incredible it feels. "Please," he murmurs, and he isn't sure which part of the fantasy he's built up in his head that he wants first, and he supposes it doesn't matter. Anything Joel does to him today will be everything Spencer needs.

[just_another]

For some reason, Joel hadn't expected that at all and when he feels Spencer's fingers on top of his own, helping him, guiding him, he groans and drops his head, pressing rough, open mouthed kisses against Spencer's shoulder and his collarbone. He can already feel his muscles shuddering and he wants so badly to just be inside Spencer, but he needs to take his time. The last thing in the world he wants is to accidentally hurt his husband in this body -- or ever -- and so instead of getting ahead of himself, he shifts his hand, replacing his fingers with his thumb, continuing to rub against Spencer's clit. And the very thought of that makes him feel dangerously close to the edge, the thought that he's touching his husband like this, that they get to experience a whole new kind of intimacy, it's overwhelming.

It's his first instinct to reach for the lube, but he realizes a second later that he doesn't have to. Spencer doesn't need it, not right now and Joel groans again when he realizes just how warm and wet Spencer is. "Oh my god," he breathes, his fingers teasing gently before he slowly presses one into Spencer's body and he has no idea how he's still functioning. He has no idea how his brain is still working, not when it feels like something must have shorted out, because this is unlike anything else he and Spencer have been able to do and it isn't that he doesn't appreciate Spencer's body as it is, because he really, truly does, but this is all new. This is his husband and it's all new and Joel doesn't know how he's supposed to deal with that. This was never supposed to happen, but now that it has, now that he's no longer terrified that something awful has been done to Spencer while he was sleeping, now that he's sure this woman in his bed is truly his husband, it's incredible.

"God, Spencer," he groans, pressing his finger deeper inside before he pulls back and then adds a second. He's fucked Spencer with his fingers before and he remembers having to go slow at first, so he does it now, he takes care with his new body, because whatever comes, whether or not they can change this, he wants Spencer to know he'll always be good to him. It doesn't matter if he goes back to his own body later today or next week or a year from now, Joel will always take care of him in every possible way he can manage it. He'll never hurt him. His fingers pump in and out slowly and he's not sure how he's doing this, how he's retaining any sense of control whatsoever because Spencer's body is so tight and wet around his fingers. It's like he's burning up and Joel gasps against Spencer's throat, trying to remind himself to go slow, that they have all day, that he'll never want to hurt Spencer. His thumb continues to move over his clit, letting Spencer guide him a little, letting him tell Joel what feels good with his fingers, because Joel is very willing to take direction.

He presses kisses down Spencer's throat again, across his shoulder and then lower, finding his breast, finding his nipple again with his lips and his teeth and his tongue. This is just one more thing he could do all day, he thinks, his teeth closing down on Spencer's nipple, teasing more than anything. He doesn't bite down, not too hard, and presses his fingers deeper at the same time, wondering if he can make Spencer come just like this and then make him come again. While he loves Spencer exactly as he is and would never wish to change him, the thought that today, at least, he can make Spencer come again and again, possibly one right after the other is amazing. And it's something he's going to do. He decides in that moment.

[doublethepain]

In the nearly seven months that he and Joel have been having sex, Spencer has found that there seems to be nothing his husband can do that doesn't make him feel like he's on top of the world. When they're together like this, he's always sure that there isn't anyone else who could possibly feel as incredible as he does, as loved or as attended to, and he doesn't think he's taken a second of it for granted because every time Joel slips inside him again, Spencer is reminded of how just incredibly lucky he is that he has a man like this who loves him. While his love for Joel goes far beyond just the physical attraction between them, it's become such an enormous part of their relationship that Spencer can't even fathom a moment that he won't want to get his husband naked and moving inside him.

That Joel's feelings on the matter haven't changed just because Spencer doesn't look the way he's supposed to look fills Spencer with such adoration that it tightens his chest to the point that his breath hitches, though he supposes that might also be due to the fact that his husband has just pushed a finger inside him and now another. Spencer can feel the wetness between his legs spreading down his thighs as he writhes underneath Joel, moving his hips up and down to practically fuck himself because he's already losing patience. Between Joel's thumb on his clit, Joel's fingers moving so easily in and out of him, and the way Joel is paying such close attention to his nipple, Spencer doesn't know that he can handle much more of this at once.

Joel is good at this, at knowing how to maximize the pleasure he feels in this female body, and it's not that he isn't just as good as it when Spencer's a man but this is all so new that everything seems that much more sensitive, every touch makes him gasp or moan or whimper, and he pumps Joel's cock through his fist as best he can without bucking his hips every two seconds as each ripple of pleasure courses through him, causing every last inch of his body to tingle. "More," he murmurs, eyes slipping shut. "I need more, baby, I need-- Oh, god, I don't know, you're making me crazy, I need everything, all of it, all of you." It's not long before Joel's pushing a third finger in, and Spencer's eyes fly open as his jaw drops, trying to form words that won't come as he uses his other hand to grasp at his breast, muscles tightening around Joel's fingers as he feels a strange rush of something working through him. "Oh... Joel, I think-- I think I'm going to come, I-- Don't stop, baby, please, don't stop, I'm going to come."

Joel doesn't stop, he's relentless in the best possible way, and it's when he curls his fingers inside of him that Spencer finally lets go. He practically convulses on the bed, feet dropping to the mattress as his knees bend, and he can't stop rolling his hips as he grips his breast tighter, like it'll save him from feeling so overwhelmed by how amazing this feels. He feels dizzy, his mind is cloudy like he's waking up from a deep sleep, and he blinks lazily as he shudders from the aftershocks. His entire body feels flushed, like it's bit lit aflame, and he can see the rosy hue spreading across his chest as he watches Joel's teeth graze over his nipple. Spencer can't stop trembling, especially not through the continued treatment to his clit, and it makes him let out a strangled laugh.

"You haven't even fucked me yet," he says, breaths shallow from his first orgasm, and the mere thought of having Joel's cock stretching him further, of having his husband thrust into him and providing with all sorts of new sensations that they've never shared together, that they couldn't have shared together, very nearly threaten to put him over the edge all over again. He knows that Joel can feel his muscles tightening and loosening around him, and Spencer lets his gaze fall to his husband's cock as he licks his lips in anticipation. "I want you to feel how wet I am for you. Please, Joel, I need you to make me come again."

[just_another]

It's amazing and Joel has never felt anything like it. That's the only thing he's capable of thinking as Spencer's body suddenly tightens around his fingers, his muscles clenching down hard and Joel knows nothing he has ever done with any person can ever compare to this. He's known it for a long time, since the very first time he and Spencer were intimate, he's known their entire sexual relationship will be leaps and bounds beyond anything else he's ever experienced, but even this, which should be a little strange, which is out of the ordinary in so many ways, it's absolutely incredible. Joel has been with two other women, but neither of them had ever responded to his touch in this way and he isn't surprised because he knows what he and Spencer share is exceptional, but it's startling in some ways all the same. Because for a moment, he'd thought he knew what to expect, but suddenly he's here and Spencer is coming and Joel can feel it all the way through him. He can feel the clenching of Spencer's muscles and the roll of his hips and he can feel it in the way Spencer's chest is moving and Joel pulls back a little to watch the way his breasts move. His eyes widen just a little when Spencer touches himself, watching the way he tightens his grip on his breast, and that, too, is such an incredible turn on that for a second Joel isn't even sure what he's doing, if he's contributing to this at all or if Spencer has taken complete control.

But then Spencer is speaking and Joel manages to lift his gaze, meeting his husband's eyes and his face is different, but he'd meant what he had said earlier. He can see Spencer there, he can see it in his eyes, in the edge of his jaw, even in the curve of his mouth. The way Spencer is looking at him now is the same way he's looked at him a hundred times before and Joel smiles, sliding up his body a little so he can press a kiss to his mouth. Slowly, he thrusts his fingers into Spencer a few more times, dragging it out, not wanting to take his hand away just yet, but at the same time he just wants to be inside his husband now. It takes him a second and he groans against Spencer's mouth, but eventually he's able to drag himself away, his fingers slowly sliding out of Spencer and he reaches down, his hand cover Spencer's on his cock.

"I love you," he breathes against Spencer's mouth. That's what it comes down to at the end of it all. This feels good and the fact that Spencer is letting him do this is incredible. He loves that they trust each other so much that this experience, which could have been uncomfortable and frightening and more than a little unsettling, is turning into a kind of intimacy they've never shared. It has everything to do with how much they trust each other and he knows it. There is no one else in the world he could have found this with and he knows it. There's simply no one else he'd ever trust in this way and he thinks once again just how lucky he is to have married the one person in the world he can give everything to without fear of rejection. The one person he trusts to love him unconditionally.

He's holding himself in one hand, his fingers covering Spencer's as he moves over his husband's body. He shifts, moving his weight onto his knees as he slides his other hand down Spencer's inner thigh, pressing his legs open a little wider before he leans forward and braces himself on one elbow beside Spencer's body. "Remember," he breathes, the word catching in his throat as his hips roll forward and the head of his cock brushes against Spencer. He's so wet and it feels like his skin is burning hot and Joel has to fight back the groan that wants to all but rip out of him. And he has to fight back the urge to just thrust forward, to bury himself inside Spencer because he knows he needs to go slow. "Remember to tell me if it hurts."

But when his hips roll forward against this time, he carefully guides himself into Spencer, pressing inside him, taking his time. It's not just for Spencer that he goes slow, because he has to. If he doesn't, if he moves too quickly this will all be over before it even starts and Joel doesn't want that. He needs to make this last for as long as he possibly can.

[doublethepain]

Later, it'll occur to Spencer that they'd gone from zero to sixty, from painstakingly horrified over the fact that he'd woken up in an entirely different body to more than happy to be using this opportunity to explore uncharted territory in their relationship, but while it may seem a bit odd to someone outside of the two of them, Spencer won't be able to say he's surprised. The second Joel had realized it was really him, the second he'd seen Spencer's aura and that unmistakable column of energy between them, Spencer had felt a relief so strong that it'd nearly knocked him over. The initial panic of discovering that he's a woman hadn't lasted long, if only because of the way Joel's been touching him, and Spencer isn't sure if he'll be this calm about the situation in an hour or two hours or tomorrow but the important thing is that right now, he's with his husband. He's with Joel, who loves him more than anyone has ever loved him, and Spencer's body still has tremors coursing through it after the orgasm that had shaken him so when Joel finally pulls his fingers from him--with a moan of protest, for the record, even though Spencer already knows what's next--and lines his cock up at Spencer's entrance, he isn't even sure anymore whether all of this is real or simply a very intense and remarkable dream.

The push of Joel's cock reminds him that this is, indeed, real, and he's promised to tell Joel if it hurts but he isn't sure that the pressure he's feeling between his legs really counts as pain. It's similar to what he'd felt during their first time together, though Joel slips into him much more easily now than he had then, and Spencer knows this is a different kind of tight than he usually is but still, the feel of the first inch of his husband's cock slowly pressing into him makes him gasp, and he reaches out to grip Joel's shoulders as his jaw drops. "W--Wait, oh god," he breathes, trying to steady his breaths and focus his eyes on Joel's. Everything looks blurry right now but that doesn't matter yet, all that matters is the fact that his husband is fucking him while he's in a female body and it's all so new that he's just still trying to adjust.

"It doesn't hurt," he assures quickly, not wanting Joel to think this has all been a mistake because it hasn't, it doesn't hurt, he just needs half a moment. "It's just-- I'm-- I'm sensitive." He knows Joel doesn't necessarily need the explanation, he'd be willing to give Spencer as much time as he needs, but he wants to make sure that Joel doesn't pull out of him. Instead, he swallows hard and spreads his legs further, inviting Joel deeper inside of him and shuddering as he feels the next inch push in, then the next and the next, and he's always been more than satisfied with the generous length of his husband's cock but Spencer is rendered speechless now by just how unbelievably deep Joel can sink into him like this. He could come again right now, he thinks, and he lowers one hand between them to rub small circles at his clit the way Joel had been doing as he watches the space between his legs until Joel has bottomed out. It's sensory overload, he can't stop clenching and loosening his muscles but judging by the look on Joel's face, his husband doesn't seem to mind all that much.

It won't be the first time--nor the last--that Joel has made him come more than once in a day but knowing that he could have one after another without any real cap to speak of is exhilarating, it's liberating, it means he doesn't have to hold back because when he's in his regular body, Spencer always has to make sure that he doesn't come too quickly. It's never been a problem, he and Joel almost always come nearly at the same, but he can release himself of whatever tension he might be holding onto now. For Joel's sake, not just his own, Spencer knows they have to move relatively slowly but then again, perhaps that's a good thing. They should take their time with this, especially when it's like they're sharing a first time together all over again.

He tilts his head up so he can catch Joel's lips in a kiss, swirling his tongue around his husband's as they stay like this for a moment, letting Spencer adjust to the way Joel has filled him--and he's always loved that feeling, has always loved the way they fit so perfectly together like they were just made to be together, and that hasn't gone away with this body--and he takes Joel's bottom lip between his teeth, leaning back until his releases it with a soft smile. "This is perfect," he murmurs, and he means it. The way this morning has gone has only reasserted the well-known fact that Joel will always be there for him, no other option is even worth considering. "You and I, we're perfect, and I love you so much."

[just_another]

It feels like everything is shaking. Every last muscle in his body is trembling and Joel doesn't know how he has any sort of control over himself anymore. It feels like a first time all over again, something they can have together, something no one else will ever get to experience and he feels a strangled sob rising in his throat as he realizes exactly what he's doing. It isn't the first time he's been inside Spencer and it won't be the last -- it might not even be the last like this -- but because it's something so new, it's meaningful, too. It's always meaningful when they're intimate, but Joel knows there are times when they're in a hurry, when they only have a little bit of time together and they want to make something of it. There are times when he pushes Spencer against their closed bedroom door and sinks down to his knees so he can take him into his mouth and get him off quickly and relatively quietly. They don't do it often when they don't have the extra time to spend, but now and then it's fun, although they usually end up laughing, breathless and satisfied. Joel loves those moments as much as he loves anything else between them. They're still important, they speak to the level of comfort they've found with one another and he knows that's not the sort of thing that everyone will have in their life. He knows it's special.

But this. He isn't even sure where to begin. Spencer's legs spread and he's touching himself and slowly, ever so slowly, Joel sinks into him. He's trying so hard to be careful, to take his time, to really care for his husband and show him that he'll always be here no matter what, he'll always take care of him, and he groans softly as he settles into Spencer and then just stays there. He can feel the muscles inside of Spencer tightening around him and he groans again, ducking his head, having to close his eyes just so he isn't overwhelmed. Later, when he'll have time to think about it, he'll wonder if he finds Spencer so incredibly beautiful like this just because he's Spencer or if a woman walking down the street with this face and body would have the same effect on him. It's a combination of both, he thinks, he'd think a woman who looked like this was quite beautiful, but he wants Spencer this badly because he's Spencer, because he's still very much the man Joel has fallen in love with.

Sinking into the kiss, he keeps his eyes closed, one arm braced beside Spencer, holding himself up just enough so that he isn't putting all his weight on Spencer's body. It normally isn't something he worries about very much, because although Spencer is thinner than he is, he's much stronger than people realize and while Joel is usually gentle with him, he never treats him like he might be breakable. And he's trying not to now, he knows such a thing isn't exactly a turn on and he doesn't want Spencer to feel like he's being treated any differently, but he has to. He has to be careful. He's so much bigger than Spencer is now and he wouldn't have even realized it before, but now, in this moment, pressed inside him, hovering over him, he's very aware of the size difference between the two of them.

"It is," he murmurs in agreement and it's arrogant maybe, but he believes it. They're perfect for each other. They aren't perfect people, there's no such thing, but they're perfect for each other. Whatever bumps in the road may come, he knows they'll weather them together. There's nothing in this world that could make him give up the best thing that's ever happened to him and he hopes Spencer knows that. He laughs softly, a huff of air, realizing of course Spencer knows it, because he can hear every single thought that drifts through Joel's mind. None of what he thinks is a secret, not right now, but he's comfortable with that. Spencer is the only person in the world Joel would be comfortable letting that deep inside of him.

Carefully, his lips brushing Spencer's cheek and then the edge of his jaw, he rolls his hips. He pulls back a little, then thrusts into him, getting it shallow and slow, making sure not to move too quickly or with too much force. Maybe the time will come that he can or maybe Spencer will go back to his regular body so soon that they'll never have the chance, but for now, his thrusts are careful, slow and controlled. For now.

[doublethepain]

Spencer wants to keep his eyes open, he really does. He wants to watch the way Joel's expression changes as he sinks further into him, filling Spencer in an entirely new way that feels so different than what he's used to when they've made love before. Joel's careful, as always, and desperate as Spencer is for more friction, a faster pace, he knows this is how they need to start. He doesn't want to overestimate this body, what it can take, because as easily as Joel had been able to slip inside him, Spencer can feel how tight he is around his husband's cock. So he lets his eyes flutter shut, letting himself be overwhelmed by the sensation of Joel gently thrusting into him because right now, this feels right. Maybe Joel will be able to fuck him with more urgency later, maybe Spencer will change back to his regular self before they have a chance to get that far, but it doesn't matter because regardless of what body he is, Spencer knows they both feel like they're always going to fit perfectly with each other. There's no question of that, even when Spencer can't read Joel's mind.

Last week, when he'd first gotten the power, he'd been panicked, forgetting at first that he'd taken the potion because-- well, it simply hadn't been the first thing to cross his mind in the midst of coping with the fact that he'd suddenly developed powers. He'd been lucky enough to be alone with Joel in Crossroads at the time and the first indication had occurred when he'd glanced up to see Joel staring intently at his laptop while searching for inventory, curious as to why his husband was saying every title he scrolled past out loud until he'd realized Joel's lips weren't moving. His husband had been remained more calm in the face of that than he had this morning, though Spencer can hardly blame Joel for that, but what had kept him most grounded was the lack of Joel's scrambling to cover up anything he wouldn't Spencer to hear.

In the past week, the few people he's admitted to gaining this power to had responded in one of a couple ways: they'd either found a nearly immediate reason to excuse themselves from his presence or they'd tried to appear unaffected by the revelation while their minds worked overtime, often accompanied by a series of oh, god-type thoughts that had only made Spencer feel that much more awkward about everything. It's exactly why he hadn't told very many people at all, though he realizes that's not entirely fair; but leave it to Joel to be the one person who'd been fine with it because he hadn't had anything to hide in the first place.

"You-- You feel so--" Spencer tilts his head back against the mattress, exposing his neck and lifting his chest as he rolls his hips to meet Joel's thrusts as his husband starts a slow but steady rhythm. He hadn't known what to expect, how it would compare to having sex in his regular body, but he finds that it really isn't comparable at all. The feeling of Joel's cock inside him now is very different than what he knows, but it's a good kind of different, a very pleasurable kind of different that makes Spencer feel considerably better about his predicament. There are no words for this, he thinks, no way to properly explain how he feels right now. He's overwhelmed with love for his husband but that's not all, it's accompanied with a warmth he feels from where Joel's pushing into him to his clit to deep within his belly that travels all the way up to his chest.

If he'd been asked a year ago whether he thought he'd ever be in a relationship like this, Spencer would have laughed at the suggestion. He's never found himself particularly unlovable but his romantic life had simply been so non-existent that he'd been blind to anyone who might have shown even the slighest bit of interest. He doesn't think it's a coincidence that all of that had changed once he'd met Joel. The world had seen fit to keep Spencer waiting for this man and it'd been more than worth it. To be here now with his husband moving within him, pressing kisses against his skin, and mumuring his name, Spencer is more than content. This is the only place he's meant to be.

[just_another]

It's different. It's incredibly different. It isn't better or worse, it's simply not the sort of thing that can be compared and the only thing Joel can settle on is that it's different. It feels amazing, though that isn't the slightest bit surprising, not when everything he and Spencer do together feels incredible. They just seem to fall into it, to understand each other, and there's no reason for that to have changed now. Spencer's body is different, certainly, but he's still intrinsically Spencer in every way that really matters. He still understands Joel, he still knows him better than anyone else has ever known him, he's still the same person. He still laughs the same and his eyes are the same and the very essence of who he is remains the same and Joel knows nothing can ever change their marriage so significantly that they wouldn't be comfortable with each other.

"You're so..." He hesitates, his hips rolling, pushing a little deeper into Spencer this time and he's still being careful, but he can feel this body adjusting for him, letting him in. Sliding his hand down Spencer's side, he slips his hand under his ass, lifting him just a little and it changes the angle and Joel nearly stutters to a stop. But he keeps thrusting into him, pressing deeper each time, a strangled sort of moan catching in his throat as he tries to decide if he can say the thing he'd been about to say before stopping himself. If it's the sort of thing Spencer will want to hear or if maybe it will make him uncomfortable, which is the last thing in the world Joel wants. He'll do anything to avoid it, especially now, because he never wants Spencer to associate the times they're being intimate with something that doesn't feel good.

But he wants Spencer to know, no matter what comes of this, no matter what he looks like, Joel will always love him and, not only that, will always be attracted to him. "You're gorgeous like this," he breathes, whispering the words against Spencer's throat. "You're still incredibly gorgeous, Spencer, you have no idea." And he can't know, of course. Joel hasn't exactly given him time to look in a mirror, not when he'd gone from being terrified and thinking someone had done something awful to him to realizing what was happening, realizing what he could do like this, the way he could touch Spencer just to make him understand that nothing will ever change how he feels. But it's true all the same. Spencer has always been beautiful and nothing has changed just because his body has.

"You're so... god, you're..." But his words, what he had of them for a moment, are all but gone now. He's thrusting a little harder, using his hand under Spencer's ass to lift him and tilt him a little, bringing their bodies closer together still and all Joel knows is that this is the place he's meant to be. No matter what, no matter what body Spencer is in, no matter what he looks like, this is where he's meant to be because he's never felt like this about anyone. He's never been so loved, so trusted, so completely at peace, and nothing has changed. This is still Spencer and Joel is still home.

[doublethepain]

Spencer has never looked in a mirror and thought of himself as particularly attractive. In a town like this, filled to the brim with people who often seem to appear ethereal in their beauty, he hasn't found much reason to consider himself much more than average. On occasion, his brother would nudge him as they walked down the street together and murmur that someone passing by had given him a visual seal of approval, but Spencer would only shake his head in denial and roll his eyes because frankly, it hadn't mattered. Being paid attention like that could only ever lead to reddening cheeks and unstoppable stammering, very much like what had occurred when he'd realized his interest in Joel. It's when his husband tells him things like this, that he's gorgeous, beautiful, perfect, and only when his husband tells him that Spencer believes it.

It hardly matters to him now what other people think when they look at him, whether they find him pleasing or not to look at, and he's caught snippets of thoughts throughout the past week that have shown him that perhaps he's a bit more ignorant of the way he's regarded than he might have thought but Joel's opinion is still the only one he cares about. His husband loves him, Spencer doesn't need to read his mind to be sure of that, it's been proven in every single word, look, and gesture over the past two hundred and forty-eight days. Joel doesn't love him because he's a man, he just loves him, and that means more to Spencer than anything else ever could.

There is no proper response for what Joel says, he thinks, Spencer doesn't know where to begin, so he nips lightly at his husband's neck instead, smiling softly against his skin as they move in perfect harmony. They've had no practice like this together and yet, it still feels so right, so much like they're simply meant to be doing this by virtue of the fact that they're Spencer and Joel. He rakes his nails down the length of Joel's back until he reaches his ass, practically gasping for air as his eyes fly open when Joel lifts him and changes the angle of his thrusts. He can feel his husband, feel how deep Joel is inside of him, and it feels like every last hair on his body is standing on end from how electric Joel's touch is, how desperate Spencer is to never have him stop doing this.

There's no telling how long he'll be like this, whether he'll change back to his regular body today or tomorrow or next week or next month, and though that last possibility strikes a nerve in him, he's far too lost in the sudden shocks of pleasure pulsing through him when Joel's cock seems to reach that one particular spot inside him, hitting it over and over again until Spencer has to let go of his ass as his toes curl and he has fistfuls of blankets. "Joel, please," he whines, lifting his hips as best he can while still in Joel's grasp to meet each thrust with a little extra force. "Please, I-- I want--" He wants everything, wants more, wants Joel to make love to him and fuck him all at once, and Spencer thinks his mind must be starting to unravel because he can barely make sense of words anymore, they aren't coming to him like they should. Even that, though, isn't abnormal when he's naked with his husband, it's a response he's grown quite accustomed to because Joel knows exactly how to undo him, even without ever having to take his clothes off.

"Wanna ride you," he manages to mutter through a moan, fixing his eyes on Joel's. They may not get another chance, not in this body, and he wants to push the experience as far as he can while they can.

[just_another]

For several seconds, Joel is so lost in how good it feels to be inside Spencer like this that he doesn't register what he's said. He thrusts into him again, still taking his time, not going slow, exactly, but allowing them both to enjoy this instead of rushing through it. Because while he doesn't have a plethora of experience with other people, he knows what Spencer sounds like when he's enjoying something and even though his voice is different, the sounds are still the same, and he knows this feels good for Spencer. He knows he's doing something right, even if he couldn't tell anyone what that something was. All that matters in the end is that they both enjoy themselves and he's rolling his hips again when he actually hears what Spencer has said to him and he has to fight back a startled sort of groan. Having Spencer on top of him is one of his favourite things ever, if only because he has the chance to really look at his husband like that. To see the length of his body, the expanse of his chest, the way the muscles in his shoulders and arms shift, and the light on his face. It gives Joel a perfect view of everything and now he's being offered the chance to look at Spencer like this, to see him like that, and he has to close his eyes and will the visual away or be in danger of everything ending much too soon.

When he opens his eyes again, he presses his knee into the bed, using the grip he has on Spencer as leverage to ease them around without having to pull out of him. It helps that Spencer is so light now, that Joel can move him without any trouble at all, and he holds tightly to his waist for a moment, marvelling at how much smaller Spencer's waist is like this. "God, you..." But he doesn't know what to say, as usual. Instead he just turns them, stretching out on the bed under his husband and he has no idea how long he's going to last when he can see everything, but Spencer wants this and he does, too. And he can never deny Spencer anything, he can never say no to him and he loves seeing him like this anyway. It's as much for him as it is for Spencer, something he's sure his husband is well aware of.

And he'd meant what he'd said earlier with complete sincerity. Spencer is still just as gorgeous as he always is. His body is smaller, softer, rounder, but Joel slides his hands over the edges of his hips, holding onto his waist and he still can't believe he's the one Spencer wants. It seems so surreal to think someone as incredible as this wants anything to do with him, but he knows it now. And he believes it completely. They've been through so much together, too much for Joel to doubt their love even for a second, and this only proves to him that he'll love Spencer no matter what. He'd fallen in love with a man, but it's so much more than that, so much bigger than just what he is physically. Joel loves him, all of him, and nothing can change that. Nothing.

"Spencer," he breathes, rolling his hips again, thrusting up into him slowly. He can do more than just look at him from this position, he realizes, he can touch him. He can touch Spencer absolutely everywhere, he's all laid out right here in front of Joel and his gaze drifts from his face, down the soft edges of his collarbone, down over his breasts, and then he's reaching up, one hand still holding to Spencer's waist and the other sliding over his breast. He's so warm under Joel's hands, his skin soft and smooth, unlike anything Joel has ever felt before, and he sweeps his thumb over Spencer's nipple, holding onto him, holding onto his waist, unwilling to ever let him go. "Spencer, god, I love you. I love you so much."

[doublethepain]

Everything, every last part of him, feels like it's letting off sparks. Joel rolls them easily, and it's only a reminder of how much bigger his husband is than him now. Joel's always been strong, has always looked strong, but despite what people might assume about him, Spencer can hold his own against his husband well enough--except on the occasions that he simply doesn't want to do such a thing, which is most of the time they're in bed together, if he's honest. He likes it when Joel handles him, is maybe a little less careful with him some nights than others, but he knows that's only because of the trust they have in each other. With someone else, it might be frightening to find bruises left on his hips or marks left on his skin that he's just barely able to cover with a shirt the next day; but with Joel, it's different, which can hardly come as a surprise anymore.

He's gentler with this body than he is with Spencer's regular one, but it's not so careful that it seems like he thinks Spencer might break. It's true that his body is significantly softer now, curvier, his skin impeccably untouched and smooth and sensitive to the way Joel's fingers brush over it, but he would hate for Joel to think that he has to hold back in some way. They're never more open with each other than when they're making love, he thinks, even without the extra addition of his ability to read minds. They don't need words here, bared for each other and being the most intimate they can possibly be, and with those thoughts it mind, Spencer lets out a whimpered gasp as Joel's cock pumps into him at just the right spot. He's dizzy with the need to come again, entirely unsure of where he wants his hands to be as he brings one down to rub a finger over his clit again, knowing very well that his husband is looking, and the other to brace against Joel's chest as he bounces a little faster, a little harder.

A strangled groan escapes him and his eyes widen as his head falls back from the pleasure that shoots through him. He knows how to fuck his husband like this, knows what feels right and good, even in this body, and he's trying so desperately to hold himself together because if he comes again before Joel is finished, Spencer isn't sure that he'll be able to stay upright long enough to give his husband relief. The sound of skin against skin comes to a stop as he slams himself down onto Joel's cock, crying out at how unbelievably deep he feels like he's taking his husband, and he stays in place for a moment before circling his hips without lifting himself. He rocks over his husband, letting their eyes connect as he slows his touch to his clit and leans forward to close the gap between them, clasping his hand over the one Joel has on his breast. "Love you," he murmurs, brushing his lips over Joel's and shutting his eyes tight at the shudder that courses through him.

"I want to feel you come inside me," Spencer says, tightening his muscles and rolling his hips again before letting out another gasp at the impact. He does it again, again and again, and he knows he's done all that he can to delay his second orgasm. "God, you're so incredible, baby, so beautiful and perfect, you're everything."

[just_another]

It's impossible to hold on when Spencer is riding him like this, when he's touching himself, when he can hear the sounds their bodies are making as they come together and the sounds that spill out of Spencer's mouth. Joel wants to hold on longer, he wants to feel Spencer coming around his cock, but he can't. He just can't. Instead of answering, all he manages is a strangled moan, his heels digging into the mattress as his hips lift and he buries himself in Spencer. Both his hands are on his hips now and he's worried somewhere deep in the back of his mind, he's worried that he's holding onto him too tightly, that he's going to leave marks on that gorgeous skin, but he can't get his hands to relax, not when he's coming inside his husband in a completely different way than he ever thought he'd be able to. Sex with Spencer is always incredible, they always connect in a way Joel's never had with anyone, he isn't surprised that it's just as incredible like this, but he almost can't wrap his head around what's happening. This shouldn't be possible. Spencer is his husband and this shouldn't be possible and yet somehow it is. Somehow his husband is in a woman's body and Joel is thrusting into him like this and he'd never imagined such a thing could happen.

It's overwhelming. It's something beyond overwhelming and Joel doesn't think he'll ever be able put into words what he's feeling right now, but that doesn't surprise him either. When it comes to Spencer, he's always had trouble speaking. Communicating has always felt far more difficult in some ways when his husband is involved and yet entirely easy in other ways. There's never been another person who's both been able to render him utterly speechless and who still understands him better than anyone else. He doesn't think he'll need to explain what this is like because Spencer will know. All he'll have to do is look at Joel and he'll know, he'll be feeling the same things, he'll be experiencing this just like Joel is -- although not exactly like Joel is -- and for that he's endlessly grateful. Words have never been his strong point and he's so lucky that he's found someone like Spencer, someone who understands him anyway.

His lips part and he groans, his back arching as he comes inside Spencer, and he tries to tell himself to relax his grip on Spencer's hips again, but he can't. His fingers dig into him tightly and he knows he'll feel guilty later if there are marks left behind, but he feels like he'll be set adrift if he doesn't hold on. If he lets go, he'll just float away in this and never be able to find his way back and, as always, it's Spencer who anchors him here in the moment. It's Spencer who'll keep him ground, as always. Spencer who'll keep him from getting lost. But his muscles are shaking and his heart is pounding and he's managed to keep his eyes open so that he can look at Spencer when he comes again. He needs to see it. He needs to know that what he's doing feels good to Spencer in this body, too, and he finally manages to pry one of his hands from Spencer's hip, sliding it in, his thumb moving over his clit.

Maybe it feels better to Spencer to touch himself, maybe he knows exactly what he's doing and Joel doesn't, but he wants to be the one who does this for him. He wants to be the one to make him come again. He uses Spencer's fingers as a guide, he lets his husband show him what to do as he uses his thumb, pressing and circling, trying to find the right amount of pressure to make him feel good. He's panting heavily still, his skin damp with sweat, and he reaches up sliding his free hand between Spencer's breast, feeling the sweat on his skin as well and suddenly he can't stop thinking about getting Spencer into the shower like this, feeling his skin warm and smooth and wet. "Oh, god," he breathes. "Oh my god." And he wishes he could say more, but he knows Spencer will know.

[doublethepain]

Watching Joel's cock disappear into him then slip halfway back out is something Spencer is certain he'll never tire of and the addition of Joel's thumb pressing against his clit only makes him want to throw his head back and shout. Nothing makes it out of his mouth when his jaw drops open, though he keeps his head steady because he knows what Joel wants, knows that his husband wants to be able to see him when he comes, and Spencer understands that because to see the ecstasy playing across Joel's features just now had been beyond incredible. That he can have the same effect on his husband in this body means everything, feeling Joel spill into him and having Joel want to do all in his power to make sure Spencer comes again, it's overwhelming and with that, Spencer comes with a shudder and strangled gasp of Joel's name.

He lets himself fall forward until his palms hit the mattress, and he lets out a short laugh as he lowers himself the rest of the way to rest his head against Joel's shoulders, trying to catch his breath and let his pulse slow back into a more regular pace. Joel's still half-hard inside him and it feels different still having him there, different from the way it is when he's in a male body but not in a bad way. He quite enjoys it, really, which comes as no surprise, and he experimentally circles his hips again just to know what it's like after the fact. It only serves to send another jolt of pleasure through him, and he muffles his gasp against his husband's collarbone until the tremors running through him stop.

"That was-- It-- You're--" The words escape him through his panting, but Spencer knows Joel will understand. He finds it a bit humorous that they're both so capable with each other, such experts in knowing exactly how to make the other feel good when they're naked and together like this and as he always does after they make love, Spencer wishes they could just stay like this forever. It's a bit childish, he thinks, but Joel brings out that side of him, a sort of innocence and a view on the world that has become so optimistic because there's nothing that can ruin him too horribly as long as Joel is by his side. Some might think him blinded, to carry on through life with the belief that they can carry on through anything together, but Spencer simply knows better because they can. They'd kept on going through their lives on their own now for years, after all, it shouldn't come as a surprise that they'd be able to withstand anything else now that they're stronger with each other.

"I don't want to move," he groans, tilting his head back to press a kiss to Joel's jawline with a contended sigh. He's still reeling from his orgasm, still so sensitive from having Joel inside him, but he's beyond sated. He could fall asleep here and now, without question, but one thing in particular he'd heard in Joel's mind is what keeps him willing to keep his eyes open. "I did hear something about a shower though, didn't I?" Their bodies are coated with sweat, though not as sticky as usual, and the thought of letting Joel carry him to the shower like this is nothing short of appealing. "It's Monday, the store's closed, we don't have to be anywhere else, right? We can get in the shower and rinse off, come back to bed and just work from home. Or watch your dancing show, we still have it on the DVR."

[just_another]

All Joel can do is hum softly in response, unable to actually form words, which is often the state he's left in after he and Spencer have been intimate. His hands smooth down Spencer's back, still stunned by how much smaller he is. His fingers curl over the edges of his hips and for a moment he just holds him there, stifling a little moan when Spencer moves his hips again. He's still so sensitive, still half hard inside of Spencer, but he doesn't want to pull away or let him go. What he wants is to just lie here and regain some of his energy and then possibly do it all over again. The store is closed, Spencer is right about that, and while there's a part of Joel that wants to get directly to work on finding out what's going on and if there's a way for him to change Spencer back, he also has a feeling it's going to take him more than just a few hours of work. It might even take him more than a few days and he knows eventually Spencer is going to get tired of being in this body. There's work to be done, but Joel is far too exhausted to think of any of it right now, so everything Spencer is saying to him sounds absolutely wonderful.

"Mhm," he mumbles, pressing a kiss to Spencer's temple as he holds him tightly. He doesn't remember thinking about the shower, but at this point, he doesn't remember a lot that doesn't have to do with this moment right here. He's more than happy to do anything Spencer wants, though, and he thinks about how light he must be now, about how easy it would be for Joel to just sweep him up and off his feet and he sighs softly again, unable to think of anything else. He's so comfortable and content and sated right now and he doesn't want to move, but if Spencer wants to go to the shower, Joel will take him. As always, Joel will do absolutely anything for him.

"We can do anything you want," he murmurs, kissing Spencer again. "Anything. I'll take you to the shower if that's what you want." But he doesn't want to move yet. He thinks he might be able to fall asleep again, which is strange, given how scared he'd been earlier, how certain he'd been that someone had done something awful to Spencer. Everything seems to have slowed down now, taken in a sleepy sort of quality. It should be stranger than this, having a body in his body that isn't the one he's used to, but he knows it's Spencer, there's not a doubt in his mind, and that's all he really needs to know. Anything else in the world can change so long as that remains the same and it will. Even in a different body, this is still Spencer.

"But maybe in a few minutes," he adds a second later, giving a soft little laugh. "I think I need that long to regain feeling in my legs." He's probably exaggerating just a little bit, but right now he feels if he were to try to stand, if he were to try and take Spencer into his arms, he might just collapse again in a heap on the floor. He feels boneless and weary, worn out in the best possible way and it's nothing new, Spencer does this to him all the time, but more often than not, Spencer also allows him to just go back to sleep.

[doublethepain]

"A few minutes," Spencer agrees, giving a nearly imperceptible nod of his head as he sighs softly against Joel's chest. He can never quite predict it, when he'll have excess energy after sex or when he won't, but it seems that as quickly as he'd gained it here, he's losing it by the second. He tries to stifle his yawn but just barely manages it before he's blinking slowly, tracing shapes over the smooth skin of Joel's shoulder. He can feel Joel's cock softening inside of him, but he doesn't care, doesn't think he could move right now even if he wanted to, and it's not as if he's too heavy at the moment to stay this way. He's significantly lighter, in fact, and the warmth of Joel's arms wrapped around him is far too pleasant to be willing to even roll to his side onto the mattress.

Mornings like this are always his favorite because most of the time, starting the morning with Joel making love to him always leads to a significantly better day; but it also has to do with the contentment that spreads through him when they're finished, when they're allotted the time to just lie in each other's arms for as long as they want because they have nowhere to be. Some days, they have no choice but to be quick, maybe because they've waited to get out of bed until the last possible second before they need to get ready to go open the store or because they're so desperate for each other's touch that all they can afford is an unexpected romp in the back room of Crossroads. Still, no matter what, no matter how slowly Joel makes loves to him or how quickly Joel fucks him, Spencer's never once been left feeling cold.

Even if Joel can't take him into his arms for an extended period after sex, Spencer is at least warmed by the feeling that carries throughout the day, throughout their lives. Joel loves him, truly loves him, and it's not something Spencer has ever doubted. He's always been so used to being skeptical, suspicious, he's been used to asking questions and being curious almost to a fault, but he hasn't had to be or do any of these things with Joel. For each other, they're open books, and that isn't something he could ever find with anyone else. He may have friends who will readily divulge information about their private lives or how they're feeling or what they're thinking, but Spencer isn't that kind of person. When he's experiencing something on a deeply emotional level, he keeps it as private as he can unless he's with Joel and perhaps he should work on that, perhaps he should be more open with the other people who do care about him; but he isn't ready, not yet.

He's happy to let Joel see him for who he truly is because Spencer already knows his husband would never walk away from this. Joel had promised months and months ago that he'd stay, and he had. Then he'd vowed it in front of witnesses, and Spencer knows they don't need the wedding bands on their fingers to prove they love each other, but it means something to them specifically. It's why he has this tattoo on his hip, it's why he and Joel will always have what nobody else ever will, each other, but he cherishes that ring more than he'd ever be able to put into words. It's a symbol, and he's never once taken it off since Joel had slipped it onto his finger on their wedding day.

He frowns at it now, though, at the way it's dangerously close to slipping off his finger. "I'll need to get a chain for this," he says, thinking out loud more than anything else. "I don't want to go even a day without wearing it in one way or another." If Joel wants to fall back asleep for a bit, Spencer is happy to let him because in the evenings, it's usually the other way around. Spencer falls fast asleep with his head on his husband's chest while Joel reads or watches television or eventually escapes out from under Spencer to work on ordering inventory. He has no problem affording his husband the same luxury.

[just_another]

"Okay," Joel agrees, his arms still around Spencer and he's only vaguely aware of what is being said to him right now. Something about a chain, Spencer's ring, and Joel is nodding, thinking there's probably a chain in one of his drawers somewhere and if there's not he'll go out and buy one for Spencer right now, anything at all to make him happy. Although maybe he doesn't have to go right now, maybe he can lie here for just a little while longer and enjoy how it feels to have his arms wrapped around his husband's body, even though it isn't a body he's all that familiar with. The curves are still unfamiliar and the size of Spencer is all wrong, but he still feels right in ways he doesn't know if he could explain. A different body, a different shape, an entirely different feel and yet it's all the same. It shouldn't make sense, but it does, and Joel is perfectly content to accept it as it is. This is his husband he's holding in his arms, both unknown and easily recognizable at the same time. It doesn't make sense, but maybe it doesn't have to. Just as long as they're together and they're happy and comfortable, nothing needs to be explained. They don't owe anything to anyone else.

The store is closed, they can stay in bed all day if they want to, and for the moment that really does sound like the best option, especially when he feels so close to sleep again. Waking up like that, finding someone else in the bed with him other than what he'd expected had gotten his adrenaline pumping quickly, but between realizing what was really happening and everything he's just done with Spencer, he's crashing all over again. His muscles are aching and he's weary, but in the best possible way, and he smiles as he tips his head over and brush his lips against Spencer's temple. "I'll get you anything you want," he murmurs. "Anything at all."

And he might be awfully close to falling asleep again, but he means that. He'll get up now if he has to, but he doesn't think Spencer will make him do that. In a few moments he'll sweep his husband up and take him to the shower and then after that he'll make him breakfast and then go out and buy him a chain for his ring. And then he'll come home and put Spencer's ring on the chain, put it around his neck, and explode every last bit of this body with his mouth. It sounds like the perfect plan for this day and he knows he should be thinking about ways to undo this, ways to reverse what's happened and maybe he'll do that, too, but if Spencer doesn't spontaneously return to his regular body, then Joel can think of a few more ways they might want to enjoy this day before everything goes back to how it used to be.

"Shower, breakfast, chain, then I'm going to go down on you," he mumbles and he realizes he probably doesn't need to say it, not when Spencer can hear everything he's thinking, but saying it makes him grin, a sleepy sort of expression. "For hours. I just decided. I want to see how many times I can make you come." Because he can do that with this body. He loves Spencer's body so much, he loves every last little thing about it, but once they've come, they both need a period of recovery time, it's just part of being a man. But the body Spencer is in now doesn't need that, not in the same way, and Joel thinks it might be fun for him to discover just how far he can push it. They have the day off, after all, and he thinks they should really do their best to make use of it.